I’m supposed to be writing my sexiest femdom thoughts here in the free portion of today’s blog post and for the life of me I can’t conjure up even one. I’m not in a good frame of mind right now and yet, I am 100% committed to posting a femdom story, video and photos every 2nd day.
So, please allow me to perhaps ease into this – just allow me to write what’s on my mind and maybe I’ll slowly sink into my Mistress self. Or maybe its not possible tonight, maybe I’m just too triggered.
Against my better judgement, you see, I decided to have a family intervention – on myself. Meaning, I wanted to clear the air – set things straight, let them all know why I have been living as such a recluse for the past 8 months and tell everyone what would have to happen for me to socialize with everyone again.
Obviously that’s not going to happen, they are set in how they perceive me (think One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest) and I don’t want to socialize with people who don’t want to accept that I’m mentally divergent and that I don’t want to take pills to make me feel “better” because they destroy not only my brain but my ability to function for more than 1-2 hours out of every day before knocking me unconscious again.
They had me on medication for 15 years – and so since this is only month number eight of being totally pill free I think it is going to take quite some time before I get to the “as good as its going to get” part. Which is a story that I wrote yesterday on my FanVue blog – that I’m nearing that “as good as it gets” part of my life where I’ll be as close to normal as I’ll ever be – but I’m not there yet.
I’ve identified the triggers that set me off – I just need to learn how to deal with them better than I do now. Oh for sure, I’ve improved by leaps and bounds these past eight months but I’m not there yet.
I would still prefer to live alone without any contact with the outside world than have to deal with people as I’m just not wired to live with the way people deceive, lie and scheme – I don’t live life that way.
I’ve never lied in my life, I’ve never stolen, I’ve never deceived and I’ve never cheated.
I have however, manipulated. In fact, if you’ve read the subscription only part of the How I Got Men to Buy me a House, Twice series – you’re pretty aware of just how much of a master manipulator I am – but only when it comes to doing so with submissive men. For that, I’m sorry – but to be a Mistress, one has to know how to not just control men but to manipulate them into doing things they don’t quite know why they’re doing it. It’s what made my sessions great and its why I still get emails from people who submitted to me years ago telling me that the memory of our time together still lingers.
But outside of being a Mistress, I try to lead a very honest and simple life, I truly do.
It’s just – I hear all these “its ok to not be ok” words coming from the western world and it saddens me greatly that that sentiment doesn’t apply here.
I just want to be accepted for who I am – all the little quirks that come with someone like me. But apparently, that’s not possible.
Anyways, I have no direction for this blog post – sorry again. My mind is full of white noise which the precursor to feeling awfully depressed and when I feel like this I can’t be sexy, I can’t act sexy and I sure as fuck can’t write sexy.
But – I can show you sexy. Right?
So I went through my archive of videos and though I wanted to initially talk about Tease & Denial – I think I’ll hold on to that topic until I feel more in the mood to tell you this story I have floating around in my head from an incredible session – and instead I’ll show you one of my sexiest and moodiest femdom movies. I’ll prove to you that swallowing from my ass can be as sexy as it is hot. Hot because I milk him – slowly, gently – after I’ve fed him. I leave him like that, his mess running down the sides of his belly button dripping off of him like all his sexual energy. And yet, as his horniness dies – he’s left with a mouth full of something that suddenly he doesn’t want to deal with any longer. And that’s where my no pity, no mercy philosophy kicks in.
That’s for my subscribers below. I’ll follow up with a longer story – hopefully in the morning or if not then sometime tomorrow to make up for the shortness of this one.