Well, hello. It’s been a quick minute, hasn’t it?
I haven’t publicly told anyone what’s going on in my life here on jaa4u.com for quite some time. 2.5 years almost. The astute among you have realized that trend has changed dramatically this month.
Every morning as of late, I’ve woken up not to a nice and empty email inbox but rather dozens of letters saying ‘oh you’re back! And your stories are so much more amazing than they were before Mistress Jaa!”
To which I’ve replied as such to each and all:
“Jaa’s dead baby. Jaa’s dead.”
Or maybe they’re both alive, who knows, who cares, who even gives a fuck anymore. Not me. I’m not either of them, I’m Wael. Or W. Or W. Beneath, or maybe just plain Mistress as I don’t even need the name Wael any longer. I’ve had to change my name so many times I don’t even fucking know who I am most days any longer. Truth is, I’m all of the above but I haven’t explained it anywhere but my FanVue blog – only, I had to go and delete the last 1,240 blog posts I made there over the past two years so all evidence of my journey through those names has been erased.
So to make this as short, concise and informative as I can, I’m going to follow the opening sequence to the movie Inside Man. I’ve told you my name(s), that’s the who.
The Where – as in where am I nowadays, is most certainly not Bangkok. Hasn’t been for quite some time. I can’t do female domination, the extreme way I carry out sessions nowadays – in a condo. So, to dissuade you all from constantly asking me to do a 1- or 2-hour session in Bangkok as I used to do, I removed all booking forms and I’m in the process of deleting my email address from all the blog stories it appears on. Don’t worry, we’ll get to the details on booking me in a moment.
The What is easy. I’ve chronicled my extreme experiments on willing human toilets on a daily basis over the past two years on my Scatbook blog, detailing my successes and failures as I sought the truest method possible to turn a human being into a living human toilet. In that time I’ve also continued – much to the shagrin of my mental health – to perform the most extreme femdom experiments for the purpose of stripping away every last vestige of human ego and dignity to see what remains when a person is reduced to a purely functional, biological object of service.
I do this because I am obsessed with the boundaries of psychological and physical submission, pushing my subjects past their breaking points to document the raw, uncensored reality of total ownership. To do this, I leased and remodeled a house down the path from my own. I call it The Femdom Resort. It is the location for my extreme, month-long experiments. It is not a condo. It is not a playground. It is a facility designed for total immersion and the absolute removal of human autonomy. I do not offer one-hour sessions. I do not offer “quick visits.” I offer a process of total erasure. It takes one month of extreme enduranc and only one slave out of twenty-five has survived until day thirty. That’s also the when.
As for the why, beyond the obvious financial motivation, it is exceedingly simple. Because I can.
Clive Owen leaves it at that, but my answer was buried in those 1,240 erased blog posts. The condensed truth is this: I am mentally divergent. I have a split personality. My Mistress self runs these experiments, and she does not believe in mercy. She does not believe in safe words. She believes only in finding the absolute bottom of femdom’s rabbit hole. Together.
Twenty-five slaves agreed to let me test my methods. Their endurance allowed me to design an experience that is perfect. The cost of experiencing that perfection is 16,000 USD. The demand, even at that price, is insatiable. And thus, the why.
Which leaves us only with the how. And therein, as the bard would tell us – lies the rub, or in my case – the book:
My book Under Her : My Human Toilet Slavery Survival Manual is the only place where you’ll find my email address and thus, the only way to contact me and let me know you wish to apply for such an extreme experience. You can buy it here if you wish to begin the vetting process.
However, I realize I am a stranger to anyone who has not done a session with me in the last thirteen years. There is an inefficiency in how I have shared my journey. See,my Scatbook video blog only allows 1,500 characters per post, which is a paltry amount to describe my work. Meanwhile, my jaa4u.com femdom blog contains seven hundred posts about femdom sessions that were as vanilla as vanilla can be. (duh, they were done with Mistress Jaa, not me.)
My experiences since 2020 have been anything but vanilla. They have been so far beyond what any sane Mistress would ever agree to do that they eventually broke me. I had to spend three full weeks in a mental ward just to reset my mind and put the pieces back together.
I still have five hundred detailed session notes sitting in my private journal from those extreme experiments. I intend to write every single one of them out in full. I began the process last week, and at one long post per day it will take me roughly two years to finish the entire series.
These recounts are far too raw and uncensored to release to the general public, so I’ve had to lock most of them behind my Patreon. That is where the real, unfiltered truth of what I have been doing lives now. If you want to know how I conducted sessions before 2020, the free posts on this blog are still here for you. But if you want to understand exactly why the 16,000 USD price tag deters so few serious applicants, you will need to join Patreon. Note that there’s nothing on my actual Patreon’s page on their site – being a member of The Reader’s Circle – my $20/month all-access tier allows you to read the full blog stories here on this site. Very important you understand that, so read that sentence again if you have to.
And if you want to meet the real me, the side of my split personality that is still kind, a little lost, and no longer hiding behind any Mistress mask, then my FanVue blog is where you will find her. It is no longer a femdom blog at all. It has become my personal diary. Being subscribed to FanVue also grants you immediate access to every locked post on Patreon, so it truly is a two-for-one invitation into my world. By the way, I have both my FanVue and Patreon tabs open all day so if you want to chat with me – choose either.
So that’s where I’m at in life. I’ve turned to reading a lot lately to help calm my mind on days where I feel like it wants to run amok. I’ve read Solaris, Blindsight, Dracula, Hot House, The Color in Space and I’m currently on chapter 32 of A Fire Upon the Deep. It takes me a month to read a book because after every page I have to go into a deep dive with whatever ai I’m using to help me wrap my head around what I’d just read. When reading Blindsight I had to use my Kindle’s Thai-English dictionary to look up every 3rd word it seemed. But for a girl like me with a mind that just won’t stop feeding me ideas and information – trying to read sci-fi books in English has been the best form of self-therapy I’ve ever tried. My Amazon Wish List is now full of $1-$5 books mostly so if you want to add books to my Kindle as a gift – by all means. Choose from my list or add your own – if you feel there’s something you think I absolutely should read, I’ll get to it I promise 🙂
I can’t live in a big city – I suffer from some sort of super high anxiety that builds and builds the more I’m not just around people – but it’s something like a sensory explosion that my brain can’t contend with. I live a very solitary life nowadays, and in the months where I’m not doing femdom with a slave at the resort, I’m a total recluse and I love it.
As for how I’m doing. I suppose the biggest shock was having written 3,600,000 words for my FanVue blog only to have them suddenly start censoring words last month … and leaving me to guess which of those nearly 4 million words were not allowed any longer. So I said fuck it and just got a subscriber to delete from the bottom up while I was mass deleting from the top down and we purged the whole damn blog … which ended up being kind of cathartic in that doing so erased the horrid last two years of my personal fight trying to recover from the pills the hospital doctors put me on … that I went and quit cold-turkey … which caused the out of control spiral that I’ve just recently sort-of conquered.
Which is why I never bothered to write here. One, I didn’t know how to write yet. 5 million words later – I’ve fixed that problem. The other is that even if I did write all this time … you would have thought it was the words of a mad-woman …
Relationship-wise, I’ve pretty much given up hope that I’ll be anyone’s princess they come to rescue, especially given where I live in the middle of nowhere. Being a recluse doesn’t add to the probability odds either I suppose. Fuck, why is it so hard to write for this website? I sit down to write for FanVue and I’m “me”, I talk like “me”, I act like “me” and the words come flowing out so fast that I can hardly keep up. That’s why I post there 5-10 times a day and sometimes 5,000 words per post. But damn, I sit down here and just knowing that what I’m writing is not going to be behind any paywall – and I freeze up. It happens every single time.
That’s why I’m enjoying writing uncensored now. But you see how the posts here … the parts that are behind the Patreon paywall aren’t prettily formatted? That’s because I have to write someplace else like on Scrivener or on Gemini’s Canvas and then copy and paste what I’ve written to here. It’s the most annoying fucking thing. I’m not perfect, I’m anything but. So why when I write here do I feel the need to be perfect? Its why I need FanVue or Patreon, because this stupid divergent mind of mine has to know what I’m writing is hidden … else it won’t let me write. But if it is hidden – I’m unfiltered. This … this is the kind of shit I have to deal with every single day. You can’t possibly imagine how exhausting it is. Lately, I’ve been having these body shakes – like a severe trembling effect that maybe one would get if they’re suffering from hypothermia. Only, I think its caused by my brain overloading my neurons all day and my body just says “Enough, fucking enough!” and begins devouring me from the inside out with these micro-tremors.
Which is why, even now as I’m writing this, I can’t wait to turn out the lights and get lost in A Fire Upon the Deep again tonight, just to shut my brain off.
Anyways, that’s my Hitchiker’s Guide to my Femdom World – early 2026 , as it stands right now.
One final thought. There’s no roadmap for this path I’ve chosen to take in my life, none whatsoever. Think of a tree, a huge oak tree. My life, as it represents that tree, I’m the leaf on the furthest branch, hanging from the furthest twig, all alone with no other leaves around me. And yet, men astonishingly state their absolute desire in life is to crawl out and meet me on that limb. That alone keeps me going. Love you all.
W.