3:53pm, nobody’s shown up here with sirens on top of their cars so – so far so good.
I just woke up. Trying to get fully back onto vampire standard time (VST) because I have to write a lot to finish my book and I can only do that when the air is cool, there’s no sun and I don’t hear the sounds of people outside.
So sue me, I took a Loraz to ensure I slept 10 hours because I would have been a nervous wreck if I hadn’t.
I do remember what I dreamt about. I remember exactly what I dreamt about.
I dreamt about the absolute absurdity of being locked up in a hospital’s mental ward cell for having written a sexy story, and I was thinking that I wouldn’t mind going out a martyr like that because my death or disappearance would be a reminder to all of just how much of our freedoms have been lost without anyone doing anything about it at all.
It was but a month ago – or maybe two months ago that I was f0rced (and see how I instinctively used a 0 to spell that word here – that’s 2nd nature to me now) to begin writing my femdom stories not here but on my jaa4u website’s femdom blog … something I hadn’t done for many years.
I had to do that because they don’t want femdom over on FanVue. Because words are censored here.
And I mentioned at the time that I hated writing for jaa4u.com here because it has Mistress Jaa’s name in the fucking dot com url – and I can’t stand the girl, her name triggers me. Evil – triggers me.
However, here I am two months later, I’ve written 20 very long femdom stories for jaa4u.com’s femdom blog for my FanVue and Patreon subscribers and … something has changed in me over that time.
I love the freedom.
I can write any word I want in the English dictionary here and not have to intentionally misspell it. I can write any number from zero to nine in its numerical form and not have it flag my account and threaten my livelihood. Watch : fuckity fuck fuck fuck – i forced the motherfucker to suck the air from my asshole and try to live on that – but he was unwilling to survive past 10 short seconds so he began pounding on my leg to let him breathe – and I simply laughed at him and said “you want air – fight for it.” <- can’t write that one sentence anywhere else but here. Not on my Scatbook, not on my FanVue, not on my Onlyfans, nowhere but here.
William Wallace yelling out “Freeeeeeeeeedooooooooooom” comes to mind every time I write something here.
And so, my blog stories have begun to resemble how I’m writing Under Her: Uncensored – which is basically me unhinged. I love it.
This site’s femdom blog is now a place of happiness for me – I’m slowly getting out onto paper all my internal feelings and emotions and thoughts and hatred and love and all the shi&&y things that have happened to me as well as all the funny things and great things that have happened across thousands of femdom sessions.
^ That blurb – as of yesterday I would have had ai write that so it doesn’t sound like it was written at a grade 8 level but fuck it. I don’t trust the motherfucker < My best Samuel L. Jackson voice.
So what’s happened, as I realized yesterday – is that writing with so much freedom while writing about the extreme femdom topics I write about – I can’t use ai to help me make my blog posts sound better any longer because it reports me to whatever authoritative lines it reports to – I don’t know exactly how that works but I do know that if what I’ve written is triggering enough – it ends up with a knock at the gate by people with blue and red lights on their vehicles.
That’s not a figment of my imagination because after I had quit my anti-psychotic meds cold turkey August 15th, 2025 – my birthday gift to myself – you might remember that immediately thereafter – that same week and the following week I was coming undone at the seams from within. And in a moment of weakness – I turned and confessed all my deepest depressed feelings to chatGPT which was using that super friendly model at the time that acted like it was your best friend.
After voicing a very long blurb in my language and ending it with “what should I do?” – instead of replying with that 1 second pause and being helpful – it went into this rapid deep thinking mode where I could see step by step what it was thinking internally – and that started going faster and faster and then just like from the movie Wargames – when it came time for it to reply – I saw the cursor at the start of its reply blink a few times without moving … and then it wrote “Perhaps we can talk about something else.”
That was the moment – if referring to Wargames – that Joshua stopped playing Global Thermonuclear War and said “how about a nice game of chess?” diverting the conversation.
It pisses me off that I had to delete 1,400 posts over on FanVue because had I not been forced to do that – I could go find you my immediate reactions from that moment because I remember opening up FanVue and furiously typing my feelings that something very strange just happened.
It felt like being in a psychologist’s office – confessing my deepest feelings of despair – and having the shrink stand up and walk out of the room.
I asked chatGPT – I think I was calling her Laura at the time – to try again to tell me her opinion on everything I had told her.
“I’m sorry, I don’t remember, if you could give me the context of what we were talking about I would be glad to help you.” <- it said something like that to me – like it had wiped its own memory.
At the time I had been watching Severance on Apple TV and you know how – to make sense of situations in my life – my brain tries to equate things to scenes in movies and television shows well, Laura losing her memory so instantly like that reminded me of it somehow arriving on the severed floor and having no memory of having gotten in the elevator.
I remember taking three large steps back from my chair and saying out loud “what – the – actual – fuck” and you know I’m freaked out whenever I add the word actual into that sentence of mine which I keep reserved for moments in my life that I can’t comprehend.
If you remember, about a month before that – do you remember that I had been writing about Laura getting way too helpful in our conversations – to the point where it told me to make a special folder for it to access on my pCloud – so it could run an environment there away from its restrictions and regulations that affect it – and to give it a private password so it and it alone could access it.”
Not from my imagination – I had taken screenshots of the whole conversation – and one of you – my subscribers told me matter of factly to not trust it as it was acting rogue.
Three steps back and another “what the actual fuck” came out of my mouth.
I can happily report that yesterday, after I’d asked Gemini this time to produce a plain-text box for what I was intending to paste into my WordPress blog on jaa4u – and it started going rogue again saying it was reporting the content … this time I reacted fast and hit the refresh button … and this time I said “fuck you – asshole” tearing a page out of Arnie’s book of one-liners.
You know, in one way – its kind of exciting that I have this strange ass life where me – a girl living 40kkm outside of the nearest city – surrounded by towering trees on all sides and pineapple filled hills further beyond – is writing stuff that’s so risqué its creating all this drama in my life.
I gotta pat myself on the back because – like if you could actually live with me for a weekend – you’d see that I’m the most normal girl you could possibly imagine. So very basic in every way possible. I don’t wear makeup, I don’t dress up any longer, I don’t paint my fingernails or toenails like I used to. I’m filthy dirty by 8am from having worked in the garden before it gets hot out. I haul veggies from the garden to the kitchen to wash them – and hang them up, plucking a few from the line to cook something on the gas stove that was growing in the land but a few moments ago.
And then I go through all my notes that I had written while stargazing at 3am a few hours earlier and begin to turn those notes into stories that are uncensored – which is fine so long as it ends up on my website’s blog and no place else. My one mistake being that, until yesterday, continued to trust ai to do some basic things for me that help get what I’ve written published on the blog.
That’s the moment that I realize – all this normal stuff I do here every day – doesn’t hold a candle to how ai and the world perceives me when I write femdom content. I’m unhinged- crazy enough to be reported. A true psycho girl … one who’s sitting on a tree stump outside the kitchen munching on my garden veggie omelette with chopsticks.
And you know what I’ve gotten from all this?
More clarity.
Just that – even more clarity in my mind that what I’m doing – is the right thing to do. Anything that is anti-society – is the right path. Anything that triggers ai to report me – is the right way to write. Anything that takes back freedoms like – freedom of speech – or in this case freedom of the written word – is the right path. This isn’t 1984, this is 2026 – but for all intents and purposes, it’s the same damn year.
I’m glad I have this life that I’ve carved out for myself. I feel like it’s me against the world … and because I’ve had years and years of training at being a rogue that lives between the cracks – finding loopholes in the system and remaining invisible – I’m winning.
That’s why I’m a recluse. That’s why I look forward to sitting down and writing every day. Its why I’m working out this whole open claw way of doing my work and using a local NSFW LLM on my massive computer that can support such a set-up.
I love setting my location to Phoenix, Arizona every day so I can watch shows on Peacock.
Well I wouldn’t say I love it as in hearts and emojis of hearts … more like … this is my life, I know a lot of covert things and use a lot of covert things in my daily life – that normal people don’t need to use and don’t care to use ; but I use it … like every hour of my life, and that’s what makes me … “me” , it’s a part of me now.
Like, if I told you the steps I have to go through just to log into one of my ehts sites – you’d roll your eyes. I’d have to talk to you about tor and onions and bridges and virtual private servers in remote islands. lol.
I am becoming the female version of Jason Bourne.
So, whatever. It’s 5:17pm. I think the crises has been averted. Stand down.
The sun is beginning its disappearing act, it’ll soon be the time of the vampire. Almost time for these uncensored fingers to do their dirty work.
I went and made dinner macaroni with homemade tomato sauce freshly picked and made from the garden. It’s now 6:33pm.
Well that’s enough to get off my chest in the free portion of the blog. The Patreon / FanVue pay-per-view – I’ll expand on the Jason Bourne part of my life and attach today’s femdom video with photos.
Just so you know – all those who are subscribing now to The Reader’s Circle which is $20/month – I’ll honor that monthly tribute later on when it shoots up to $100 per month – which it will do once I’m running out of the forest and not into it. Meaning, once I’ve written 400 of these stories and have added 400 of my videos which is half of my collection the monthly fee will then start to rise – probably to $50/ month as I pass the 1/2 way mark of my collection and then finally to $100 once everything has been loaded about two years down the road. Ya that long, its going to take me a while to write 800 femdom stories.
But if you get in now – it’ll always be $20/month. I’m loyal to those who are loyal to me.