Flaccidation for Total Dedication

There are three things you can lick in this photo. The soles of the shoes, the toes or the asshole far above.

With proper and consistent training, it would take a slave about a year to progress all the way up to my asshole thus making the final reward oh so sweet.

Time, you see, is the one thing a slave who’s invested enough of it never wants to lose. It is the one commodity he treasures and values the most and thus, when threatened with being sent down the pole to start over at a point he served enough time worshiping already … I can leverage that fear into making him do anything I wish once he has climbed so high so as to be able to place his lips over my pretty brown sphincter and kiss it.

That’s why I’m advocating on my SB blog for a slave who’s once again interested in investing over a year of his life in my service. I say again because I had such a slave before, our affair lasted just under three years and I had broken him, moulded him, and subjugated him in as deep a way that has ever been done to a man. Yet, I feel there is even further to fall into my debt as I now believe I had just scratched the surface of what is possible when serving me becomes a percentage that hovers between 5 to 10% of one’s total life.

I can’t properly describe what happens inside the man’s mind when serving me for so long … I’d actually need him to describe to you and every time I bring it up with him he is reduced to tears just having to speak about it. The last time I tried to go off topic and mention it is when he met with me to act as my therapist last year – and he had set a boundary beforehand that I never mention our prior relationship dynamic. But I broke it. How could I not? It is an indescribable feeling to have broken a man into an object like that. I’d call upon a movie reference right now, but it would seem trite to do so. The Emperor in Star Wars yelling “unlimited powerrrrr” when he has slain the last Jedi comes to mind but owning a man’s soul like that goes far beyond power.

It goes beyond ownership as well.

It’s why I came up with the word theNull in my book Under Her. But even by doing that, its a meaningless word because as far as I know, I’m the only Mistress to have broken a man’s will, a man’s soul, a man’s reason for existing so utterly that he redefines himself from “who he was” to “what he became.” Focus on the terms ‘who’ and ‘what’ because you see, that describes ceasing to be a human being and embracing being an object who’s only purpose is to serve, and it is fine with that. It is even fine with it being referred to as an it.

By that I mean, the word isn’t treated in the slave’s mind as “oh cool, she’s referring to me as an object, as an it, ok I’ll embrace that.”

No. It doesn’t just embrace being an it, it craves the sensation of being an it.

And again, that will sound like total nonsense to you because there’s no such word as theNull in your vocabulary and your mind’s experience. In your interpretation of life … as you currently know it.

But there are people out there who “get it.” They read Under Her and something clicks in their mind. I touch a nerve that never gets touched and once they get a sense of just how deep Alice’s rabbit hole truly does go – they can never let go of that feeling.

Which is why I have to be oh so careful with all these emails I get. No, not hundreds of session request emails like I used to get as Jr. Mistress Wael serving under Rainy and Jaa’s rule of the jaa4u website. Those kinds of non-serious emails come into my mistress.wael gmail and are just ignored. Emails like:

Neejan Sutel <nee……6166
Wed, Jun 10, 10:33 PM (4 days ago)
to me

Hello mistress I am scat lover. Help.

… no, its the emails that come into my OTHER gmail address – the one only given at the end of my book Under Her that have me sit up in my seat and say out loud “holy fuck, I have to be super careful with this guy.” Because THOSE emails – not all – but a not insignificant handful – are dealing with a person who’s had that nerve activated and want to experience theNull and all that comes with it, knowing that in order to do so they need to abandon life as they have known it.

For now, I have to keep all these people at bay because I’m not mentally healthy enough to be able to give them what they want without totally losing myself in the process. And I would, most certainly, disappear into my Mistress Wael personality if I once again had a man to mould for 2-3 years because for no other reason that I know for certain that I would go even deeper than I did the first time.

Rainy, who called herself ‘one with an ocd personality trait’ would clean her sofa incessantly all those afternoons I was at her condo filming, kind of proud of her little cleaning quirk – that it separated her from others somewhat. But she’d always smirk and say in a condescending way to me “how come you do Tease & Denial sessions all night long – how can you tease a guy’s cock for 16 hours straight? How do you not get bored? Its not worth it financially you know.”

Well, I never once did a session for financial motivations, unlike her.

My purpose was and always has been to reshape a slave’s mind and teach him to endure the things he loves the most. Only, I was limited by those totally useless two hour sessions. But those type of clients – the transient slave who’s just in town for a business trip – they aren’t looking to toss their life away for a few years just to serve me wholly.

The ones who find my email at the end of my book are looking for such a thing and because of that I have to drag out the well used line from all the Spiderman movies – with great power, comes great responsibility.

As an example, suppose you were presented with this email, how would you respond huh? (I’ve edited out some of the words but you can no doubt guess what he’s getting at) …. (he’s in his 20’s so keep that in mind as you read) …

Mike Stanger
Sat, Jun 13, 3:08 AM (1 day ago)
to me

Hi Mistress

I believe you mention 400k THB a month, so 4.8m THB for the year, which for me equals £110k.

I dont have £110k in ready cash right now but not far off. By next summer I would. But it would only be enough for 1yr as your object. To go 2yrs I would have to take a mortgage out against my house for the 2nd year, which is plausible. Is it crazy that I think it is worth the sacrifice, so I can be imprisoned as your daily object for a couple of years or so.

To be honest, to do something like this, I would want it to be that once I reach your property, there is no turning back. No get out clause, no safeword, from day 1 I am stuck there for the next year or so. Even if I start having regrets and want to quit, you sadistically ignore my pleas, imprison me, totally break me mentally and physically, so I have to just accept I am now your object for a year or 2 (permanent?). So after some time, it just becomes routine and normal that my body is just used as an object that serves.

Can we make this really happen? I really really want it.

Your very eager sub

^ You see, he doesn’t quite get it yet. He has an inkling, but he’s still talking about words like imprisonment and just the mere mention of that word tells me that his mind is playing out a fantasy. That might be a lack of life experience thing, he is in his 20’s after all. But on the flip side of that, such an inexperienced mind can be completely reshaped, repurposed, retrained, reprogrammed to run an entirely different script. So there’s that which excites me.

Still, and again this is my world where the sky is pink vs his world and your world where the sky is blue … but that he’s talking about taking out a mortgage against his house suggests that he’s intending to return home one day as if nothing ever happened.

There is no going home, and that’s what these people don’t get when dealing with me. There is no need for a house or money or even clothes. They describe it as a one way street or a no chance of turning back experience.

It’s more like a portal experience – I think that’s the best way to describe it. Once the portal’s boundary has been crossed it disappears. Everything that was on this side ceases to exist. But people still attach value to things like houses, property, mortgages, debt and so on.

Like, not to get into my previous slave’s life too much as he knows if he wants to speak about what happened he’s welcome to guest post here just as are all of you who have ever submitted to me in person. But I’ll just say that his life is the way it is right now because he chose to try and find a way back through the portal that’s not possible after three years. Sorry, but it isn’t.

Not only would you have all the legal problems that come with trying to re-enter this world but life itself would be void of meaning. I have given a handful of men a different way of looking at what life can be … let’s just say that. Is it better? Debatable. It’s different. It’s like – oh my gosh so many analogies pop into my mind.

But perhaps the best analogy is from the most excellent Apple TV series called Dark Matter. And that’s because of this one scene that fits perfectly. Look at the second image in this post, that’s an endless hallway with an infinite number of doors each leading to an alternate timeline that’s not quite the same as the one you are in right now and thus, as much as it looks the same – you don’t fit into that world, not at all.

From what I’ve heard described from Martin, Craig and to a lesser extend Martin – that’s what happens when you try to climb back through the portal you end up in a world that you don’t belong in any longer. Not only that, but its quite possible that you are now hunted so not only do you have to deal with the feeling of not belonging and feeling lost but you’re now the main character in the short story The Most Dangerous Game – and have to deal with the feeling of being pursued and never being safe.

That’s why I’m taking my time with this monumental decision. I have to first find out what it takes to remove this fail-safe mechanism that exists in the submissive mind, the one that tries when it is way too late to find the portal and a way back to that 2nd mortgage payment only to find that the word debt has become the least of one’s worries.

I don’t want that. You know me, I don’t want someone to have their life turned upside down because they didn’t realize that I’m not wired the same way. This is why I had immediate empathy with the Cylon Mistress in Battlestar Galactica as right off the bat I loved that she wasn’t human – she was a clone of a human but one that had a programmed purpose wholly different than a human’s purpose. Mind you, her purpose was to eradicate the human species. I, only seek to repurpose one entity.

This is why, and again I’m getting into something quite personal – the details of which you don’t need to know – my first offer goes out to any of Martin, Craig or Gerard. To save one of them from their lost lives. I wish I could save all three but unless I can find a way to clone myself or to divide my attention evenly upon two or three of them – I can only offer to save one.

But there’s the rub, right? From my perspective, I’d be saving them by showing them the door back to my timeline, my world where they’d no doubt cross the portal’s threshold for the very last time for they know how deep my world goes and they now know there’s no way back. So, by offering them this chance I’m trying to bypass this growing hallway of lost souls that keep trying to find their way back.

If I choose a new slave, I’d then have a fourth lost soul, and a fifth and a sixth – and for what purpose? To shatter lives for what, a hundred thousand British pounds over and over again? What would I do with such monies huh? Money to me is only something I need in case I don’t die tomorrow.

Gerard lost his hotel business, Martin lost his wife and home and Craig lost, well, everything.

Here’s what is probably the most important takeaway from my messages with them that still go on from time to time as only those three – oh and one other – have my private personal email where they contact me. That’s my defcon 1 email address – if something appears in my inbox there it’s colossally important. Luckily I only get one or two emails there a year – from those who have come within a molecule’s distance of touching theNull and have pulled back.

None of those three have accepted my offer to resume their service as my permanent object, and why do you think that is?

They’re all in love with me. They all agree that I am by far the best Mistress and most serious Mistress they have ever come across in their journeys. They are all infatuated with me. They all, I presume, would lay down their life to save mine … that’s what they say at least.

And yet, none are so bold as to step back into my world. Choosing instead to go on with their shattered lives and crying at the site of me. I’m serious about that – no word of a lie. All three have broken down into tears at all three coffee shops we have since met at. The reason? They all say the same exact thing just in different words.

They are terrified of where theNull leads to. To date, all three would rather live a life opening up door after door trying to find their way back to the reality they once knew then come kneel at my side and offer their soul to me once more.

I don’t know how to make them make that final leap. Any one of them, I don’t care which, they had each tumbled equally as deep but each in their own way under my care and supervision.

I can tell you this. Only two of them – Martin and Craig have undergone their permanent flaccid cock training with me and that alone has created a much stronger tie than say the one I have with my French object Martin. I had only taken my ’20’ game of Tease & Denial to extreme places with Martin but I did not invest the years needed with him to defeat his cock and render it as a broken tool for the rest of his days. Had I done that, he’d be mine too and would be seriously considering my offer. But that he can still fuck … keeps him only mildly interested in me.

The other two are ruined men. Unable to have sex, unable to go on a date with confidence that it will lead to a relationship and eventually sex because then comes the explanation of why they cannot fuck. They don’t want to go through that whole humiliation but on the other hand they cannot go to bar and pay for short time sex because they wouldn’t be able to perform. So their lives become one of jerking off to pornos with their limp dicks in their hand I suppose. Or maybe they don’t jerk off any longer – it never crossed my mind to ask them until now.

That’s neither here nor there though. The point is – I just don’t understand men enough to ascertain what it is I have to offer them for one – just one of them to take that final leap with me.

I’m not asking one of them to fall. I’m asking , begging actually, for just one to stop pretending he can fly.”

Why bother with the impossible, hmm? Why spend two years teaching a man that his own arousal is a failure? It is a strange ambition, I suppose … to take a creature designed for hardness and gently, persistently, mold him into something soft and … well, forgotten. But it is a necessary one, if not highly controversial and for certain not something I would or should post publicly for all to read and thus, I’m hiding it behind the paywall below. See, had this all been just theory, conjecture, and hypothetical outcomes on what amounts to highly questionable experimentation on human beings, I’d gladly put it up above for all to see. But that I have done this successfully, twice, with a third currently in the throes of it – or at least he was until he tried to force his way back through a door that no longer opens from the other side, and has fucked his life – as I warned him doing so would. So there you go, you’ve been properly warned – stop your reading here or dare I say if you’re bold enough … continue on but with this one final warning. What you’re about to read is unexaggerated and wholly true. If it arouses you – think long and hard about the consequences for if you do end up applying to remain in my service over a very prolonged period of time – the effects are irreversible as far as I am aware.