The reason I have to do experiments on toilet slaves is in the picture at the top of this blog post … mainly, all the shredded notes that I destroyed by hand yesterday when stuck in the middle of one of my episodes hitting. In a rage of frustration with my old self I took 4 or 5 old notebooks that I had scribbled in last year from August to November and tore them to shreds for a few hours.
The contents of those notebooks? Numbers. Millions and millions of random numbers that my brain feeds me when it sits idle and has nothing to focus on. They aren’t even helpful numbers that unlock mysteries of the universe or anything cool like that – because I suck at math. No, they are just random digits that my mind tells me to scribble down as I try to figure them out. Used to be a time that I thought they were connected to solving the last two numbers of the local lottery and back when I had sessions at 7pm I had all day to kill. So I’d sit there from 10am or so until 5pm just lookng for patterns in these numbers compared to all the latest results in the lottery which I had ai list for me. Useless stuff.
Then I found reading – and low and behold it is a secret way to not only calm my brain but super focus it in a way that I haven’t been able to do once in my life. But here I am, doing exactly that every night as I read from 2 to 5 hours out in my stargazing hut that I built at the other end of my property. As my FanVue readers well know – from 10pm until 3am that’s where I am, out swinging in my hammock reading sci-fi book after sci-fi book – currently on chapter 5 of Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.
But give me a toilet slave who shows up with a smile on his face and is willing to have me do experiments on him in the name of bettering toilet slavery? Well, we go from laser focused brain to brain on fire coming up with endless ideas of how to break a slave psychologically, physically and all other ways in between and I become obsessed about it.
His grief? His pain? His suffering? It turns me on because I know that if I can make him endure it all then on the other side of that 30 day finish line he will become something far greater than he is now – he will have become an object.
One that has no realization of my existence. His new life has only one purpose – to remain a permanent part of my vertical shit feeding machine – tied to the bottom inclined bench – for the rest of time.
Getting a slave to that level of commitment has been the focus of 2 years of work now – and I’ve yet to find one that I can break so fully.
Anyways, just wanted to let my readers know that in enduring the tests and experiments that I put you through … you’re not only becoming a human toilet but you’re helping me have the most wonderful inner peace with my mind. You’re helping me get better in the most dedicated way possible and I’m so proud of all of you volunteers who subject themselves to my authority without question time and time again.
My only dilemma – what happens if my brain improves to the point where I’d be fine releasing my slave … just as he’s already given up his old life. The possibility exists.
I have a funny Jiu Jitsu femdom wrestling video below for my subscribers. Not sure what to write though as all my thoughts center around all these books I’ve been reading all night every night.
I’ve ordered a man’s shaver because on the Amazon page it says for men and women …
Living in the middle of nowhere and now being a recluse – I’m sick to death of the $1 cheap as fuck razors that really rough up the skin under my pussy hair. ><
I asked around my FanVue subscribers how to use one of these and not cut my pussy a new slit and they suggested this one because I can adjust how much of the blade sticks out.
Anyways, I intend to make a video of me using it when it arrives on May 2nd or before. I am NOT using men’s shaving cream – eww. I’ll mix soap lather with a dash of perfume … that’s more my type of pussy lather.
Would it be that any future slaves are doing nice things and being perfect toilets … I’ll let you shave her with the warning that if you nick me even once – I’ll be kicking your balls while you’re suspended from the ceiling for 24 hours per nick you make.
But that’s a video for a later day, for now – the Jits one and I’m about ready for bed so maybe I’ll show you myeself weighing myself in … I feel like I’ve hit 59.x kgs now, my boobs have really begun to disappear.