Apparently I talk like a man. 20 first dates this month have told me so.
No not deep like Barry White , which is a pity because a voice like that would come in handy if we ever trade in Songkran for Whacking Day. We do have a lot of snakes in this country so ya never know, could happen.
If whacking day ever does come, rest assured : I will be useless because I do in fact have a sweet girls voice.
It’s my tongue they’re referring to. See, all these first dates would rather see my tongue wrapped around their cock but instead it tosses challenges and insults like two 70’s Miami cocaine dealers in the back room of a peeler joint. The seedy kind of place where you go down two steps when you enter: physically and socially , that’d be my hanging out place if I was an American. Now take the kind of girl who would indeed hang out in a place like that and transplant her here in Bangkok. Sit her down at a yum-yum-cheap-cheap fake steak restaurant where she’s eye to eye with a guy looking to pay for a cheap meal in exchange for a good lay an hour later … and you have the recipe for trouble.
“Who knew in a city of pearls I’d find a diamond” was the last guy’s opening line as I met him in the 2 star restaurant he had picked out.
“First, it’s a city of cockroaches, and secondly – really? You borrow from Murray Head , and that’s your opening line?”
“Well I think Bangkok is beautiful.”
“It’s the cesspool of humanity and if you think it’s beautiful you’re either a fucking idiot or you’re stupid as fuck.”
This is where I am with men right now, I’m so fucking dismissive , just the slightest hint of insincerity or that he’s 11 eggs short of a dozen upstairs and he gets full access to the cunt side of me. My last BDSM session lasted exactly 5 minutes before I showed him the door. Shows up with alcohol on his breath , what kind of a feeble mouse needs the crutch of a few drinks just to show up at my door.
There are no men of integrity in Bangkok.
Or if there are, I sure as hell haven’t met one , god knows I’ve tried.
20 times I tried this month.
I wanted to expand on my Mistress’s Boyfriend experiment but with unsuspecting guys , one’s who had no idea of what I do and what my personality is like as a mistress. What I found was quite simple , the collective cunts of this city give up their pussy faster than a fat kid gives up broccoli , and in doing so have created a truism that a five buck meal gets you laid here.
So, what I found was that no matter how much I try to impose my personality upon the date it does nothing but get confrontational. I’m not being a bitch either, I’m just opinionated but that’s the last thing a guy is looking for from a Tinder date.
What’s funny is that nearly all of these guys have conversation patterns that they no doubt use on every date because it works for them. They break out the same innocent “i’m just learning Thai” jokes and will say something cute like “you same same like me” or similar.
Like, two weekends ago this guy took me out for street food dinner … I shit you not … and throughout the most excruciatingly painful 30 minutes of dinner conversation I’ve ever endured he broke out the saying “you naa-rak” (cute) 23 times. Yes I counted. He’d drop it at a pace of once a minute like he was on a conversation timer.
— ThaiGoddessJaa (@FemDom_Khaleesa) April 25, 2018
It’s not fresh in my mind but for example one snippet of conversation with him went something like this :
I started off by saying “what?” because he was just looking all over my face like he was trying to play “Find Waldo” on it.
“Oh nothing, just , wow, your hair.”
I took a sample of it in my hand to make sure it wasn’t on fire or anything and looked back at him “what about it?”
“Makes you look so .. so … Naa Rak.”
“My hair makes me look naa rak huh?”
“Yes, naa rak jing jing. Can I feel it?”
“You want to feel my hair … now? … here?”
“No you’re right, later then” and he winks at me. (*must … resist … urge … to … tear … his … eyeballs … out)
Then the Mom who runs the little food stall comes over to take our order. I grab the menu and order 2 main dishes, 3 side dishes , a dessert , a water, a coke and tell her to go fetch 4 Bacardi coolers. Figured I’d rack up 500 baht for my side of the bill as he no doubt thought he was getting away with 100 baht for the dinner.
“Wow hungry huh?”
“Ya, haven’t eaten all day.”
“That’s why you’re so thin , so sexy , so Naa Rak”
His words began to sound like fingers on a blackboard at school.
Anyways it was about this time that the food came and it was about the 4th or 5th failed date in a row , so I got in the mind set that I’d just eat for free this month. At that moment I totally gave up in men and decided to fuck with them a bit. Like, I knew that every single date was going to be like this , and hey – if I got a guy who I could spin my FemDom magic on then great, and if not … free food!!
But, I got wise and chose the restaurant every time every time after that.
Let me tell you , when going on a “cheap dinner, free sex” date, there is NOTHING more pleasureful than looking at the guy’s eyes when he holds up the menu and sees Entre’s starting at 800 baht. Then seeing him noticeably gulp when I order New York Sirloin Steak , ah priceless.
While those two expressions are indeed priceless , the coup de gras is walking them to the curb , hailing a taxi , letting him get in first and …sending him on his way while I wave goodbye and thank him for the wonderful meal.
20 dudes. 18 have since blocked me or left the conversation on my app … usually right after I text them “sorry, whacking day cancelled.”