Femdom Blog

The first two weeks of 2015 , for me anyways , have been about death or more specifically – cancer.

I don’t know David Bowie either from his movies or his music as it was before my time.   The first time I came across him was in the movie Labyrinth and even then I barely took notice as I watched it just to see the beginning of Jennifer Connelly’s acting career.

With regards to Alan Rickman though , I am greatly saddened by his passing as in my heart he owns one of the character roles which is truly unforgettable.  I think for each of us there are particular movies that we never forget no matter how popular or obscure they may be just by how captivating and completely unforgettable an actor may have been in a role.  “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape” comes to mind when I first was introduced to Leonardo DiCapprio …



As does Heath Ledger’s The Joker and others too numerous to mention as my life is full of these lonely nights where I buy three to four every evening and thus my head is swimming with memorable performances.

None more so than Hans Gruber in Die Hard.

I guess I should be more impressed by his role as Severus Snape as it is more recent but the role that made me run to IMDB and find out for myself “who is this guy” was seeing him as Hans as I’m drawn to men who can talk while controlling their cadence – Han Solo by Christopher Walken as played by Kevin Spacey also as a great example of cadence.  (and also explains my fascination with the spaceyinspace movement)

Losing him to Cancer was tragic.  If you’re gonna go , it’s better to go out like this wouldn’t you agree? …



There will never ever be a cure for cancer.  Not so long as countries like mine and especially the biggest ones like the USA hold one’s health as a hostage to the bigger objective of achieving a greater profit for health care companies.

Curing cancer gets in the way of attaining higher profit.  Not to mention that if ever a cure was discovered by anyone other than a conglomerate it would never see the light of day.  Profits have to be made after all.

Another of the primary reasons I want nothing more than to get the fuck out of here is that I want to live in a country that has made health care accessible to every citizen.   Actually above that, I want to live in a country where – when one day I have to go to the hospital – I want to know that whomever is “curing” me actually has my best interest in mind and not the best interest of his wallet.

Here I go getting on my soap box again knowing very well that when I do my theories be they good at heart are flawed.  I surely don’t have enough medical knowledge to be fully conversant about the validity of prescribing which kind of drugs for every ailment.  I just question that every single time without fail that I’ve gone to a medical facility here I’ve been prescribed no less than 4 sets of pills to go buy on the first floor of the hospital.

In fact, one of my ‘conditipillsons’ that I have to deal with is that I have sensitive skin.  It’s why when you guys email me at 3am asking me what I’m doing and I reply that I’m still cleaning my condo, it’s not because I’m going all Howie Mandel on you guys, it’s because I need things cleanly.  I’ve long since given up on hospital visits to ensure my skin is beautiful, the last time I recall being given a laundry list of no less than 10 packs of pills to buy.   My alternative then is ? … pay for a private clinic where supposedly I’m getting ‘more professional’ opinions.

In my books, if the quality of the opinion is in direct correlation with the amount of money paid at the door , the system is self serving and sucks.

I’ve argued about this like crazy with Mistress Wael regarding her sister.  I offered to pay for her sister to go get re tested at a private hospital (vs the government hospital she initially went to years ago) and the result was that all her prescriptions – photographed here – was cut upwards of 80 to 90% , but even though her health improved by doing so she quickly reverted to taking the 30 pills per day.

To the uneducated, ‘more is better’ is a mantra, which in the kickback world of pharmaceuticals here fits nicely thank you very much.

Profit.  More important than poverty.  Far more important than health.  Definitely more important than freedom as some prison models are profit based.

As George Carlin once said, ‘it’s important to not give a shit’.



He later said to “watch and let it burn” but then an addiction to pain killers and alcohol got him in the end.  Sad.

2-left-glovesLet it burn.  I got kicked out of pretty much everything in school as well.  Let it burn and enjoy the freak show while I’m here because I don’t fit in either.  There’s good and bad with that though living where I live.  The bad is that I live in a place where conformity is pretty much mandated but the good is that said conformity makes everyone blind and allows me to sneak through the cracks unnoticed.

Meanwhile I’m fighting cancer , expensive health care , and the rest of the bullshit by doing my best to stay healthy.  I don’t smoke, will never touch drugs , drink only when I dance , and I dedicate myself to fitness.  Lately I’ve decided to dedicate myself to Muay Thai … well , that is if I can get two Muay Thai gloves that fit on my left and right hands instead of being sold two for my left hand.

On the roulette wheel of diseases , I don’t know which one my ball will land on, but I truly hope it isn’t cancer.

And if it is?

I’ll do my best to make sure my last words before I die are “yippie ki yay motherfuck” to honor Sir Alan.


jaa xx





2 Responses to Happy Trails, Alan Rickman

  • moo

    Well said Goddess!
    Life is a bitch and rhen you marry one, haha!

  • Raven

    Any medicine to treat an ailment has side effects, and then more pills for the side effects, and so on. 80+ prescriptions is normal for patients, even in the best hospitals. I work in the medical field in one of the best hospitals in the US. Some meds might be necessary, but its about the ability of the patient to cope with the side effects and the doctors greed.

    In most countries, doctors get kickbacks from meds they prescribe. It’s why they will prescribe you 800mg of ibuprofen instead of telling you to take 4 motrin.

    Like a gun, meds are not inherently evil, but they can be the death of you.