What pray tell is a dick rating service you may ask?
In my Dick Rating Service … I’m going to rate your dick on a scale of 1-10 in 5 different categories, with a maximum possible score of 51. The Dick Rating Service winner will be announced not this Sunday but the next one … over on my onlyfans blog via a mention in next Sunday’s blog post here.
Men are impressed by their sword , so much so that I think most would consider it a work of art , worthy of a space in the Louvre museum.
If you’re so impressed by your own manhood, how about submitting it for a competition? Is your dick truly the cock of the walk baby?
Dick Rating Service | Criteria
a) Chastity. Straight off the bat, if you can produce a photo of your dick locked in a chastity – with a note on top saying Mistress Jaa’s Pet – you instantly get a full mark, so you’re starting off at 1/50 , and its only up from there right?
b) Length and Angle of Attack at full mast. Unheld by your hand – I want to be impressed not only by its length but equally by how vertical your dick can get – so if you can get your cock head to touch your belly button or extend beyond it (wow) … full marks baby.
c) Thickness. I’m partial to guys who “never hit bottom but bang the fuck out of the walls on its way in and out.” So if you’ve got girth – you’ve got a shot to win.
d) Cumshot volume. I want a photo of your mess on a dark coloured floor so I can determine volume.
e) Prettiness. If your dick looks like it belongs in the store front window of a Dildos-R-Us Sex Toy shop , then damn I want to see your model dick in a photo.
f) Pubic hair. I’m not telling you my criteria on this, you’ll just have to guess. I suggest you don’t use the same photo as your hard on photo , your dick might block your pubes if you’re able to get it vertical. Two separate photos in that case would suffice.
Each category will be graded on a scale of 1-10.
With a bonus point if you can produce the chastity and note as mentioned in a) above.
Submit 1 or 2 photos via text message on our onlyfans chat dialogue.
The winner’s cock will be the one I look at on my phone while pushing my silver bullet vibrator into my clit. I’ll also do an online domination session with the winner where you’ll be instructed how to pump that beautiful dick of yours 🙂
Punishment
If in my dick rating service | competition … your cock scores less than 20 your punishment will be as follows:
a) If you are the owner of a chastity device, you’ll be locked up for a period of no less than 14 days and will have to apologize in writing and beg for your ugly duckling to be set free.
b) Those without chastity will upon their next session be required to withstand 1 love tap by way of kicks to your balls … for EVERY point you finish away from 50. ie: If you score a lowly 10, you’re getting 50-10 = 40 love tap kicks that you’ll need to count out loud to.
jaa4u Readers
You’re welcome to participate in the dick rating service | competition if you’re not over on my onlyfans blog … but you should be because I’m posting all day, 24/7 , photos , videos and stories … and I’m online to chat with you around midnight Bangkok time.
But say you can’t , you’re married and she checks your phone bill (#whippedhusband (whip-whoosh-03)) … email me the required photo but note that your final score will have 10 full marks deducted … which could put you into the Punishment category above!
Dem’s da rules boys. May the best dick win !!
xx
Book A Session
Looking to book a session? You can either email us :
Or fill out the form below. Don’t forget to check out my Loyalfans femdom blog , or Mistress Wael’s Loyalfans blog its a great way to get to know more about us through our photos , videos and daily stories.
I’m at ‘Jaa’s’ condo … at the pool. I just ran 1 hour and did squats with a LifeFitness bag.
I am thinking it would be wonderful to have a submissive boy here to smell and lick these sweaty feet.
And hold my towel.
And get me water.
Then put coconut oil on my toes and suck it off … then put more on again.
If nobody was looking I would make you bend over so I can put my oily toe in your ass.
Then make you smell my toe and lick it clean.
I would do that to you about 10 times again and again.
https://youtu.be/4TKP0W9JAHQ
Beside this pool is nice soft green grass. How lovely to walk on it bare feet. The sign here says “Please Clean Your Feet Before Entering the Pool.”
I don’t have to worry about that … I have your tongue right?
You don’t mind to lick the grass and dirt from my foot yes?
Or should I clean the dirt on my toe inside your ass? Maybe that is what your ass is really made for … to clean my toes. You think?
You can put me on your shoulders and walk over there … left … to the plants at the end of the pool beside the jacuzzi.
I will wrap my legs around you and sit behind your back. Playing with your cock in the pool. Just to make you very hard … so I can send you to walk back with your hard cock and bring me my water.
Let the girls at the pool laugh at you. Today only two girls here … but enough to make your ears red when they laugh.
You have my water? Thank you.
Now get on your hand and knees and shiver in the water so I can rest my feet on your back.
I like when you shiver. It feels like a massage chair for my feet.
Nobody uses the steam room here in the afternoon. Only me.
I’m waiting for Jaa to put on her makeup so we can shoot sexy movies for our OnlyFans photo video blog. We have to kill 20 more minutes.
Want to come to the girls steam room with me? Want to eat my pussy in the steam?
Wait. I want to wipe my sweaty feet on your tongue again. The steam room is so hot. My body has so much sweat. How will you keep up to lick it all off for me?
Ah ok, Jaa is ready for her photo shoot.
We shoot every 2nd day here. You will be here to worship me feet in 48 hours yes?
Good boy. I thought so.
Mistress Wael
Book A Session
Looking to book a session? You can either email us :
Or fill out the form below. Don’t forget to check out my Loyalfans femdom blog , or Mistress Wael’s Loyalfans blog its a great way to get to know more about us through our photos , videos and daily stories.
“Find a need , and fill it” … is what Mistress Jaa likes to say to me.
I think I found a need. But is it only me who thinks the way I do about it?
Every golden shower video I study … every toilet slave video I study … and in every anal pegging video – the slave is a perfect slave. It is like the slave made the video for himself to show off how good he can swallow anything or how loose his ass is already.
I can tell you for sure 90% of my sessions are not like that. Me? I love the “terrible high pitched screaming” like he says in Jaws …
If I get an email and the ‘slave’ is confidant and loves to show off all his experience I almost never book him.
I am looking for the beginner slave. The slave who is shy and scared or not sure he wants to do it but he “has to know” and will say to me “Mistress Wael I have to try I have no choice.”
Do you know why I like a slave like that to sample my fart, my pee, my poo and my strap on?
Because I love the kicking, the screaming , the struggling , the choking and the begging me to stop.
I love to see a slave jump out from under me and put his head in the toilet to spit out … and then drink the water in the toilet to clean his mouth.
When a slave sleeps over or I stay overnight at his hotel … he sleeps with his nose in my ass … and I try not to laugh but I get so excited when I have to fart and I know he will hate it.
I feel I had an amazing session when the slave begs me to stop.
And the best feeling is seeing the slave come back to see me again after he failed in the first session , because he is addicted to humiliation.
Because I love humiliation I am not surprised when I giggle so often.
When men struggle , I love my session even more.
I don’t know why I am like this? But i know I’m bored watching “perfect” fart videos, or “perfect” toilet training videos.
So the thing I want to have and promote the most … because no Mistress does it … is to have a collection of videos about beginner toilet slaves … who are learning but are not close to perfect.
The fun is in teaching.
Who likes somebody that is perfect all the time … at something almost nobody else can do.
Does not make sense right?
Mistress Wael
Book A Session
Looking to book a session? You can either email us :
Or fill out the form below. Don’t forget to check out my Loyalfans femdom blog , or Mistress Wael’s Loyalfans blog its a great way to get to know more about us through our photos , videos and daily stories.
Like I said in yesterday’s blog, sometimes I just don’t have anything genuinely sexy to write about because my mind is fixated on some other random thought … and that I’ve been hesitant to write about those kinds of things because there needs to be a ratio of 70% – 30% kept of sexy stories to my random thoughts.
So because I’m adhering to my promise of Wael or I posting a story every single day until covid’s travel restrictions are lifted … you’re getting a look at what today’s fixation was instead of reading something hot and sweaty.
I was on the bts skytrain coming back to my condo with Mistress Wael at about 6pm this evening and we were discussing what kind of video we could shoot since we had actual contact with a foreigner willing to be a slave in our OnlyFans movies.
Then I paused as I suddenly realized that in a packed skytrain car – we were the only ones talking.
The only sound other than us talking was the roar of the train as it moved along the tracks and the dopler effect on the ears as we shot past every building.
I stared up and down our car , or tram or whatever you call a bts segment of a train. Every single person was fixated on their phone.
I counted. 101 people in total.
All , except Wael and I , were fiddling with their mobile screen.
All were wearing masks.
All the masks were the green surgical masks, all 101 of them including ours.
And it got me to thinking.
When I first returned from Sydney some 12 years ago people talked incesently on the bts. I’m vividly remembering how much it annoyed me my first day back in the city , just the constant blabbering back and forth about whether grandma had kicked the bucket or not and other trivial conversations.
8 years ago they put a TV monitor in every car (again, don’t know what to call a bts segment) and 1/2 the people would sit and stare at 20 minutes of advertisments on that TV while the other 1/2 would still chit chat away.
About 6 years ago 1/3 of the people were connected to and staring at their phones , 1/3 were watching advertisments on the tele , and the remaining 1/3 were yapping away with one another.
Starting around 3 years ago , 75% of the people were talking on their phones … whispering into the mic dangling from their necks as they pressed their chins deep into their windpipes like some new species of bird. 25% of the folks still sat and stared at the adverstisments. 0% of the commuters were having a face to face conversation.
Last year 100% of the people had mobile phones. 0% were staring at the televison. Nobody was having a conversation. 50% of the people had chins buried into their windpipes whispering to their boyfriend thru their airpods, and the remaining 50% were playing games or fiddling with a social app of some sort.
And now?
Silence.
Nobody talks. No conversations. No phone calls. No airpods. Just pure conformity.
100% of the people wear masks. 100% are interfacing with an app on their phone.
And I remember Elon Musk on Joe Rogan’s podcast saying that next year, 2021 , his NeuraLink company will have their first clinical trials completed and with that the first human – machine interface unit will exist.
When I heard him say that I had a reaction along the lines of “wow, we’re really not ready for a technological leap like that … to be hooked up to our phones by way of wires in our brain … people won’t go for that.”
Then today, I had a totally opposite opinion, and I was aware of how much my view of the world and where it sits has changed in just one year.
Because I thought about all the change I’ve seen just on the same bts “car” over the past decade , and how humans are just not comminicating like we used to with actual people standing next to us.
My next thought was what I wrote in my story yesterday … that the reason I moved out here to Punnawiti area is that I now believe all the epidimiologists that I follow on Twitter … that this way of living … social distancing … will be here well into 2022.
But we’re already social distanced. We’re disconnected more than ever from this world … and more connected to the world in our phones.
I graduated in English from a Thai University 12 years ago , and in my final year I wrote a paper on how we’ve evolved from an oral-aural society to something much less effective. My professors were morons. Except one. A Canadian teaching in my university.
I used to sit in Dr.Green’s office and talk about communication from the afternoon until evening classes began. Everybody in my lecture hall was convinced I was blowing him to get A’s on every test and paper. Not true. I finished with a B and not a drop of cum in my mouth. “One day” he said to me “we’ll be consumed by the media we choose to comminicate with. We won’t talk, we’ll just interface and evolve into something else.”
I’m not going to bore you by regurgitating my paper back at you but in a nutshell I was arguing that the way we used to communicate … by gathering around tribal campfires and telling stories as that was the only way information was passed on before writing was introduced … so like I’m talking 4,000 years ago or even before that. There was a pureness in communicating like that, just as there was a pureness in writing when it was first disseminated.
For instance, I got a great kick out of the term “send a Raven” (with a note tied to its claw) in Game of Thrones.
https://youtu.be/bOHvRaNrNSY
This is the year everybody suddenly realized how powerful social media and its apps can be. You don’t dare say a bad word towards any group , anywhere these days. Social media … (groupthink) … will tear your life to shreds if you do. Which brings me to Marshall McLuhan.
Once we’re physically connected to our phones en masse… not just visually like I saw today … who knows what that next medium will be.
But I have a feeling … judging by how quickly we’ve interfaced with our phones … that said medium is a year away , two at most.
Of all days in my life that I’ve left my condo to go outside, today was the worst I’ve ever felt about doing so and by extension, today was the worst I’ve ever felt about the past as I knew it ever returning.
And I”m only beginning my 30’s. I can’t imagine the changes somebody like Wael’s kids – 14 years old will see.
There. That’s a tiny snapshot into my mind and how it works or what it thinks about. Posting something hot to my blog is a hell of a lot easier than trying to get you guys to understand my insecurities by way of thought process.
Wael’s posting tomorrow. I”m posting Saturday … and it’ll be about something not, promise 🙂 Meanwhile, we’re both posting every 6 hours something new to our onlyfans video & photo blog. Check it out , something there is sure to give you an erection!
xx
Book A Session
Looking to book a session? You can either email us :
Or fill out the form below. Don’t forget to check out my Loyalfans femdom blog , or Mistress Wael’s Loyalfans blog its a great way to get to know more about us through our photos , videos and daily stories.
This story is outdated. I have now moved to loyalfans. They cunts at OF kicked me off, stole $1000 of my money and all with no warning. They didn’t like the fact I was writing sexy femdom stories on my blog page.
Loyalfans allows all my videos and photos without question. It’s a better interface. Should have started with them in the first place.
My OnlyFans site is up and running : https://onlyfans.com/mistressjaa . It’s $20 / month. I’m posting multiple times daily. Plus live online domination. This story is going to explain the how’s and why’s of what I’m trying to provide you and accomplish.
That I’m writing again, and posting to onlyfans daily, means I can finally put the cancer scare and the condo move behind me … and start having fun for a change!! Because, fuck, what a year this has been eh?
No doubt, all this covid stuff happened because when I returned from Europe back in January I whispered to myself that I wasn’t quite ready to resume sessons yet – that my mind needed just a bit more vacation time away from my Mistress personality.
Because they both live together upsairs like a Dr.Jekyl and Mr.Hyde type of thing , and one can consume the other if I let my dominant Mistress tendancies to take over.
So there I was kneeling beside my little green cactus plant in January, praying to the Cult of the Golden Orb (see video below) that if “I could just have a bit more time off , geez swell, that’d be great.”
Since I was once “the lemon” (see video above), my prayers get heard more often than not and so … due to my request I can confirm it was me and my request which brought covid to the world … only I thought it was going to be for a few weeks or so.
That’s all I asked for , 2 more weeks off at most.
Then I started rationalizing the length of the shutdown. I began convincing myself that our normal lives would be back in May or June.
Which became July or August.
In fact I had just finished emailing people earlier this month that we’d be doing sessions again in October or November.
I felt like Bugs Bunny drawing lines in the sand … egging on covid to “oh ya? cross thisline.”
It was a combination of this Bugs Bunny memory and Faucci saying “xmas 2022 the world should be in a better place to manage the pandemic.”
2022? ! ? ! ?
See all those lines Bugs drew in the sand? If each line represents a month in time I thought … thats about how long Ill be sitting here bleeding money waiting for this to be over.
So March begat April, and April begat May, May begat June and all I did was sit in my condo , alone, wondering if the next month would be better.
Then the pain in my chest started immediately worsening.
At first I chalked it up to nervous anxiety from being alone in my condo for days on end only making human contact with the LineMan food delivery boy. I had this feeling in my chest that inspired constant doom, that 6th sense saying something bad’s about to happen , and at first I thought it was a mental manifestation brought on by my stress.
I still can’t write about June and July , suffice to say that it was just so awful that the best way to deal with it is to focus on the love I got from those of you kind enough to make it so that I’m cancer-free and ensure that I’ll be around for at least a while longer. I can tell you that there’s absolutely nothing more humbling than receiving love when it’s least expected. You guys know from all my stories just how much I’ve felt jaded by love, being scorned time and time again has shaped me into the Dominatrix that I am today. I guess I figured if I’m not worthy of a man’s love then fine I’ll just flip the tables and make a living out of using his lust against him.
So in fact, I have like the video below, a notch on my cane (1,000 in total) for every man I’ve gotten to B.F.O (beg for orgasm) which is my way of of showing each and every man just how agonizingly good a relationship could be with their Mistress , before making their legs quiver and showing them the door. Who knew that some of these same guys that I’d teased mercilessly … would in turn be the very same people who’d save my life.
Andy ______ Sat, Aug 1, 4:32 PM to me Dear Mistress,
I’m writing to thank you again for Thursday night’s session. It took years – years – before I mustered up the courage to visit a domina, and your combination of dominance, compassion, intelligence, warmth, and intimacy went beyond anything I’d expected. So from the submissive bottom of my heart, thank you for taking the time.
When I walked out on Thursday night, everything felt like it had been a strange, beautiful, erotic dream. Like did that really happen? OK, the lingering pain in my left nipple told me it did, but fantasy had become reality, and that can sometimes be difficult to conceive of. When I waited for you in the lobby of your condo, nervous as hell, nothing could have prepared me for the sight of you. You looked even more elegant than I could have imagined. Your smile was angelic, but your attitude was pure dominance.
And after that, every experience – the softness of your breast wrapped in leather, the sweetness with which you spit water into my mouth, the divine smell of your panties draped across my face – was transcendent, absolutely mind-blowing.
So consider this a letter of my appreciation.
Worshipfully,
Andy
Then August hit and with it my first session in what felt like half a year.
I was so into that session! That was a guy, normal looking just like you, who walked into the condo of a girl so starved for conversation and a good time that I damn near raped the guy. What I did to that guys’ mind surely isn’t legal in most countries around the world – And Arkansas.
Sexiness is a feeling, it comes from within. One of the curious things about me is I have an ability to go from as “plain Jane” as a woman can get when I’m feeling grungy , to damn near spectacular when I’m dressed up with make-up and atttitude.
Poor Andrew got his world flipped upside down that night. I reckon he won’t ever have another girl give him an orgasm like the one I gave him that evening.
I slept that night feeling , mistakenly so, that things were about to return to the old normal. And why not right? I’d survived 4 months of this covid lockdown , recovered from my double breast cancer operation , and just had a great session.
But as more days in August ticked away I began to realize – finally – that this covid thing is going to be around for a long long time. I’m talking well into next Spring or Summer before there’s any hint of travel resuming into my country.
Thus, I had to sit down and make a very very hard decision. It just made no sense to stay in my soi 11 condo , so chosen for your convenience , whilst there was no hope of any significant volume of femdom sessions coming through my door.
But I absolutely loved living in that condo. I loved the spaciousness. I loved stepping outside into the heart of Bangkok’s nightlife and my favourite club Above 11 being right next door.
It took this one particular walk down my street at 10pm on a Friday night – where I was literally the only one on the road. Mistress Wael took a video the next night – what would have been a rocking Saturday night back in February – now an empty walk from my condo to bts Nana.
https://youtu.be/LMLXmk5krc0
In tears, I told my rental agent that I wanted to terminate the lease effective immediately.
I say in tears , but not because I was sad , but rather I felt a sense of defeat. Like for fuck sakes, I had just climbed over a significantly tall mountain of adversity , only to clearly see that there were 100’s if not 1000’s more mountains ahead.
By the way, I have no idea why embedded Tweet’s don’t show up in the blog as they used to appear , with the photo intact. I also don’t know why every blog post is dated by the most recent blog post’s date. There is an update sitting in my website’s notification box saying that the website’s theme – named Sriking – has a major update for download … but read this … (Due to major changes in WordPress (jquery related) updating without confirming all your plugins which use jquery are WP 5.5 compatible MAY BREAK YOUR SITE!)
See?
I don’t have the money to update the licence for my Gravity Forms, so I can’t install the theme update. If one of you is feeling generous and would like to buy this year’s licence for me , I’ll give you a major major discount to my onlyfans subscription website in return. Deal?
Anyways, where was I?
Ah yes, the move. Fuck I hate moving.
For one, I’m a tiny girl ok, and moving 50 boxes by myself down one huge condo building and hauling them across the city only to drag them up to the top of another ridiculously tall condo is no easy feat.
I was going to move back home. I had entertained the thought. But so many Thai’s have done that, just given up and crawled back home in defeat that I just refused to raise covid’s white flag.
Ok so move, but to where?
This is where the onlyfans idea started to enter into the survival math, because at the most I can rely on maybe perhaps one session per month only. Yikes.
And I love writing. I haven’t had a chance to write , do photos or make videos since March. I just figured I’d make a bet that getting back to what I love to do – producing content – will the roots of what will make this transitional period successful.
My onlyfans stream of content is a way to show who I really am, my personality, my face, my body, my femdom methods ; and without fear because the true “me” is behind a small paywall. Yay!
I don’t have it all figured out though. One thing I’ve always wanted to do is to be able to post more freely.
My unwritten rule for my website is to keep 70% of these blog stories femdom related , and no more than 30% of the stuff I write to be about me.
Truth is, 500% of my writing ideas are about me and the way I see the world , but I can’t post it. I thought initially I could do that through onlyfans but I can only hide videos and photos behind their paywall, I can’t hide stories.
I’m looking into Gumroad later today as a way to do that , we’ll see. My Kindle store is still without a book , that’s going to change as well.
So let’s talk about onlyfans and what I’m going to be posting there and here. Photo above is my onlyfans profile banner. It’s me as a Mistress. But I intend to make my onlyfans page oh so much more than me acting as Mistress “Jaa”. It’ll be a whole separate blog.
There was a time, from 6 to 3 years ago , where I posted here every day on the blog. Then things got entirely too busy. 2 sessions per day , every day, for the last three years. With the cancer scare and the big condo move behind me, this is an opportunity to get back to doing that.
Mistress Wael is sitting beside me here, we’re in the ‘games lounge’ of my new condo at the foot of Punnawitti bts station , and we’re having a business meeting of sorts. Gotta admit, we spent the first hour here playing pinball, air hockey, and foosball in this games room, then the 2nd hour was spent naked in the steam room and in the pool. Yup naked. True it raised a lot of eyebrows but hey, this isn’t my neck of the woods and staying here is a temporary thing, so frankly I don’t give a rats ass what anybody thinks, and it feels great to carry such an attitude.
But now we’re getting down to business , and here’s what we’ve agreed to do going forward.
A blog story each and every day , alternating days, with no more than a two day break from writing. Starting today with this one, that’s 30 stories a month until travel resumes around the world.
2. A Kindle book written and published by the 1st of every month, again – until travel resumes around the world, with the first one being published October 1st.
3. Photos , Videos and daily thoughts posted on our onlyfans account every day – and if you guys like it, i’ll do it perpetually.
4. Since I’m a night owl and most of you are in Europe or USA/Canada , I’ll be on onlyfans to reply to Direct Messges – for those who tip – from about midnight.
5. There’s a “Go Live” option on my onlyfans page. I ‘might’ entertain doing this, if the tips to do so are significant enough. Truth be told, online domination is wholly new to me. What I’d prefer is to find a volunteer femdom slave who’d Wael and I would tease and control live on camera. We’ll see.
6. Whereas before femdom sessions were only conducted at my place , I understand some of you who are still in Bangkok might not want to make the BTS trip to Punnawitti station – 2 stops beyond Wael’s place at On Nut. Therefore, until I’ve moved back to my soi 11 abode, I’m now open to hotel visits.
In fact, I’d probably say I’d prefer doing my bdsm sessions at your hotel or condo, simply because my new condo is so small compared to my old one. I mean, it does have a majestic 30 foot window on the 38th floor which presents a spectacular view of the city , and it is designed somewhat like an American loft. But it feels like a thin slice of brick cheese living here.
Yes, there’s these impressive stairs that traverse 30 feet upward to my tiny bedroom – and we could hold the teasing part of our sessions there – but you’d probably have the same feeling I have once you’re on the bed … like you’re on the precipice of falling 10,000 feet to your death as the far side of the bed is pushed tight up against the crystal clear ceiling to floor window on the 38th floor.
Downstairs , there’s a sofa fit for 2, a tiny coffee table, a tv , and a ladder. Yup, a ladder.
I had to climb that fucking thing 500 times this week to store all the stuff that won’t fit in this place.
Because that’s what this condo is bascially, air. They’re selling air. No word of a lie – I could throw a baseball as high up as I could in my room – and there’s no way in hell it’d hit the ceiling. It’d be fucking awesome if I could get a contractor in here and find a way to suspend you guys from the ceiling though. Alas, I’ll probably go with tying you to this ladder here and finish you off on the bed.
The facilities though, wowza. There’s a climbing wall on the roof – one that I intend to poke you slaves in the balls with a bamboo pole as I make you try to climb it.
There’s a running track on the roof as well, so you’ll be sitting there on the grass waiting for me to get all nice and sweaty as I run – just so you can suck and lick my smelly shoes, socks and feet thereafter.
Arita, Wael and I shot hoops yesterday on what has to be the highest basketball court in the city. I’d like to say I was the female iteration of Michael Jordan , but you’ll see in the video I’m far from.
And that’s the point of my OnlyFans page.
Whereas for most of you just reading about the new place and imagining me shooting hoops is and has been fine enough, for those of you who want to actually see Wael and I walk you through the facilities of the new condo , see what I’m talking about regarding the 30feet window in my tiny loft, and see me shoot hoops , you can see all three videos plus the Tease & Denial video I posted earlier over on my onlyfans page.
That’s just today. It’s going to be like that every day. There will be a story here on the blog , and if that’s enough for you, that’s great. For those who want more , you can really get to know me through my onlyfans page, and if you want to delve even deeper into the “getting to know me” experience, you can even go live with me over on onlyfans once we’ve agreed on an appropriate tip amount.
Folks, that’s how I envision being able to stay and live in Bangkok.
Oh sure, I have my small shop at the market where Mistress Wael sells her perfume, (please donate a dollar or two to help her gofundme out ) and it’s there that I’ll be selling all my Gucci , Versace and Victoria Secret line of used clothes for pennies on the dollar. Yay 🙁
If I’m lucky that’ll pay for food. Onlyfans will pay for my rent and expenses. And the 1 session per month will be my spending money. That’s the plan!
And if this onlyfans idea takes off , and I become a writer/video content provider , well then – the sky is the limit isn’t it?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to see how many men I can get to show up at the steam room to see me naked every night at 8pm , haha 🙂
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So far I survived 5 months of covid with only 1 femdom session.
I survived because my tiny perfume business sells 2-3 bottles a day. Enough for food , enough to pay for my condo, and enough to keep my 2 daughters in school.
My goal is to grow my inventory to 30 different fragrances with testers for each bottle. 15 perfumes and 15 cologne.
For 3 months I tried to sell at very small night markets , but I know I need to sell at a better place. To do that I need to have more product to sell. Also I need a good display and little things like price tags and business cards.
With no femdom sessions it is very very hard to survive and not possible to invest in more product.
My idea is to use my GoFundMe page this year so I can use real money and not gift cards to help my business. Because I think covid will keep my country from allowing tourism until next year.
I don’t need a lot. $1,000 would be enough.
With that much I can
a) have 30 products to sell with testers.
b) have a display table made so i don’t have to sell from the floor
c) pay the 1 month rent for a space in a nicer market
d) pay for the storage so I don’t have to pay for a taxi to carry my perfume suitcases there and back every day.
My goal is to increase sales to 5-6 bottles of perfume a day to start and then I hope up to 10+ bottles a day.
My profit / bottle is 250-75 = 175 baht. x 5 bottles/day = 875 baht sales.
875 baht – 375 space rental = 500 baht profit.
Yes it is not a lot. But I can live on 500 baht/day until I can grow my business to the next level. For sure I think I can survive this covid shutdown.
Right now if I sell 2 bottles a day I make 350 but I have to pay 100 for the taxi and 100 for rent the space. So I am trying for 1/2 year now to help me and my family survive on 150 baht/day. $5/day in your money.
Very very hard to do.
I turn 40 on August 15th. I’m excited 🙂
With exercise and lifting my kettlebell I am down to 58kg now. When covid started in March I was 65kg.
I look at this year … a very hard year … like it is a challenge to me. Learning how to fight and survive and keep my family alive and my daughters in school is making me stronger.
But I miss all my customers. I loved talking English with everybody after my sessions … just as much as I enjoyed teasing them.
I think you say “all in” right? I was all-in on being the best Mistress I can be last New Year. Now I am all-in on surviving with this perfume business.
I’m proud that I’m still alive and surviving because of my business.
I would like to do more than just survive.
Can you help me a little bit with trying to do that?
What can I give you in return? Let me see. How about 2 things?
When sessions start again – I hope next year – you can choose any cologne bottle you like when you come see me for your session if you help out now.
I’ll send you the video folder link for any folder you like from my bdsm video collection. Or all the links if you help me with $100 or more.
And/or let me know how else I can pay you back? Custom video? Sexy sms chat?
Send you my dirty panties? I run every night – around my condo 500 times like I lost my mind lol – at the end my panties smell so so so bad.
I would love to tie you up and put them in your mouth and laugh at you when I tease you. But you’re not here 🙁 So I can send them to you instead … maybe video call you … and watch you suck them after they arrive.
I have lots of ideas. Let me know yours.
Mistress Wael
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Or fill out the form below. Don’t forget to check out my Loyalfans femdom blog , or Mistress Wael’s Loyalfans blog its a great way to get to know more about us through our photos , videos and daily stories.
“The ways and rituals of testicular sacrifice are difficult to master. The timing of the stomps is imperative. Without the proper cadence at precise intervals, the process can fail spectaularly.”
I actually had a session today. First time in forever. He was asking for testicle torture. Instead I gave him testicular sacrifice.
I borrowed the idea from the movie JigSaw I watched last night on Netflix.
After the movie I thought “I don’t want to just kick and hurt his balls” … instead … “I want to play a game.”
Because I didn’t do a session in so long I wanted to do something amazing and fun.
Now I know your head mistress uses hot massage balm for some of her sessions … but I asked myself “what if?”
Like … “what if I add this … and this … what would happen to my slave?”
And by accident I found a perfect testicle sacrifice session … very complicated trap just like the Saw movies.
In every Saw movie after the tape recorder machine says ‘I want to play a game’ he tells the person why he / she will be tortured.
I wanted to explain to my slave why he was being punished … and like the Saw games … what he had to suffer for me to let him cum.
My English sucks so I fuck up when I try to explain to him … but now I have time I can write what I will practice to say for the next time I do this same session …
“For many years , slave , you called girls you liked “hot.”
“But do you really know what hot is?”
“Today I will teach you what is “hot”
“And if you can survive understanding ‘hot’ , then on other side I will let you cum.”
“But if you move, if you cry , if you make even one sound , I will ‘cool’ you down, and you don’t get to cum into my ‘hot’ hand.
“Live or cry slave, let the game begin.”
First I tied him standing up to my bathroom door.
His hands over his head. His feet spread. No clothes on.
Massage hot balm … we call it Yaa Mong … it activate from rubbing. The more you rub … the harder you rub … the hotter the balm gets.
So it feels nice when I first massage your balls with it. And you get hard. Very hard.
But I keep pulling , rubbing , stretching the skin of your balls. And slowly your balls are on fire.
“Keep your cock hard” I told him. “Don’t let it soft” I said. “This is not hot yet. This is warm only.”
True because I wanted to play “what if” like I told you.
I also have Uniren Spray for sore muscles to stop the pain. It feels cold at first touch … and gets hot like the balm when I rub.
Only … when I mix Uniren Spray with Hot Massage Balm = Volcano Fire. Very very hard for you to focus on staying hard … so I really have to stroke his cock hard.
He moved so much and yelled so loud. Big no no.
No sound means no sound. Means you will not get an orgasm if I have to warn you again. I told him that.
I put my awful panties wet from my period in his mouth to stop him from moaning. He didn’t care. His balls hurt so so much to care about pussy blood in his mouth.
Now. You would think when your balls are on fire … that you would want to cool them down, yes?
No.
I have cold gel pack from Jiu Jitsu still in my freezer.
I don’t understand why exactly … but I can tell you that when I press my ice cold gel pack to his volcano balls … the pain gets much much much worse.
Unfortunately for my slave today , he moved again to get away from the cold gel. So no orgasm for him. Just longer ‘teasing’ with a lot more gel to teach him to be quiet.
I like my slaves to be quiet. One because I live in a condo with thin walls. Two because it is fun to see men suffer from being quiet. The more you can’t do something … the better I like it.
It should have been a 2 hour session. He asked for a 2 hour session with serious ballbusting. He said “he could take anything.”
“Anything” does not include my Testicle Sacrifice technique. He knows that now. But he quit after only 35 minutes. 🙁
So sad. How about you? Can somebody survive 1 hour of my new technique? Or 2 hours? I want to know. I really want to know.
Because I did not get to see
a) how hard it is to keep him hard after ice gel part of the session.
b) how big or small the orgasm will be
c) if a man really can be so strong so he doesn’t move and doesn’t make a sound in this style of session.
So, hopefully soon you can make it to Bangkok. And when you do , let me ask you….
Do you want to play a game?
Mistress Wael
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Looking to book a session? You can either email us :
Or fill out the form below. Don’t forget to check out my Loyalfans femdom blog , or Mistress Wael’s Loyalfans blog its a great way to get to know more about us through our photos , videos and daily stories.
“Well , the cancer , the operation , and everything … you know … I just , I mean I thought” his words eventually dropping off to a stuttering stammer void of strength.
My first session in , fuck what has it been, half a year almost? And here we were, at the foyer of my condo , standing in silence as he kept checking me out from head to toe and back again.
“Well are you going to come in or not?” I politely asked him while stepping to the side and leaned against the edge of my door so that my rose colored dress rode up the bottom curve of my ass just a little bit more.
So he did , and by the time he got to the kitchen counter a few steps away I could see he was already trying to hide the massive erection that had grown suddenly down the left side of his tight jeans.
I can slip into my mistress’s skin faster than you can slip a condom onto a stalk of broccoli , so here I was already to go – like a Formula 1 racecar at the starting line – with a revved up pussy just purring for the green starting light to flick on.
Except , even with his hard-on trying to burst out of his pantleg like a misplaced Xenomorph baby Alien , he decided to instead sit down on my cream colored sofa – with his shoes still on (huge no-no) and instead of acting like all of you submissive slaves act- he wanted to act out the part of being my psycho-therapist so he could chip away at the deep embedded trauma I have over my recent cancer removal procedures.
See though, there is no trauma. It’s done. It’s over with. Can we move on please?
So I thought I’d take this moment to say what I have to say about the ordeal , and thereafter can I ask that we just bury the topic? Because when sessions resume en masse – and they will , eventually – your time with me as I see it, is meant to be possibly the hottest two hours of your life. For that to happen I need anticipation on your side , not trepidation. Until now that’s been something I’ve nary shed a moment’s concern for , but if how this last session kicked off is going to be an early indicator of where your mindset is at … due to concern over my health … well let’s just put that to bed right here and now okay?
I’m physically fine now , my fight is more about the mental side of things.
The two lumps they took out of my right boob caused me to say “holy shit” to the doctor showing them to me whereas I could only muster an “oh wow” for the single lump they hauled out from the left side.
Both surgeons seemed a little too delighted with revealing the shit they removed from my body. The way they have them laid out on green cloth , perfectly centered , with my name on the corner of the tray made me feel like they’re being shipped off to be put on display at the Louvre beside MichaelAngelo’s works of art.
The incisions were thankfully made from below instead of on top which is a relief because I had these visions of painting my face white before sessions , ripping open my bra , grabbing you by the throat and whispering into your ear “wanna know how I got these scars? …
Wael sat with me the entire week after the surgery , and I intended to write thereafter but once she left and I was alone again , my mind played games with my emotions.
Then Kelly Preston died of breast cancer a week ago and that hit harder than anything ever has.
For exactly one day I felt riddled with guilt and the ‘why her, not me’ feeling that washed over me that day.
Then immediately thereafter, I’ve been dealing with this total loss of words from the true answer to that question … because of you, collectively. You guys decided to keep me alive , and Kelly’s death proved to me that I can say that without a hint of exaggeration.
There may be a loss of words, but there is infinite gratitude.
I’m home now. I haven’t told them either, I just want to be here with family and not be treated like a wounded puppy by everybody.
This weekend and into early next week I’m going to be hanging out here and getting back into writing.
There’s nothing going on in Bangkok right now, it’s dead – like an old western ghost town as we showed in this tweet earlier this week.
You should see Nana and Soi Cowboy , it’s the strangest thing. Just a few girls sitting there looking at their phones – because well, only foreigners frequent those parts of town and there’s maybe like 10 foreigners left in the city.
So there’s no reason to go back to my condo on soi 11 , the whole street is a ‘going out of business’ flea market. Better off to stay here for a week and get some writing done which is easier to do with people around me I’ve found.
As for that session I had , after I had him begging me to cum inside the first hour I told him he should just walk down to Nana and bang as many girls as he wanted for a hundred baht a pop.
He didn’t believe me so I cut the session short and went with him to teach him about the laws of supply and demand as they pertain to cost.
But I do know that if you rowed your way across the ocean into Pattaya this month and somehow survived, you could set yourself up with 4-5 girls pampering you all night for the price of a movie and popcorn.
Sure enough, the young Danish boy who had come to see me Thursday night had me negotiate two girls willing to ride his dick the whole night for the combined fee of 500 baht.
Sadly, as per his report, he lasted all of 5 minutes before they made him cum the first time and 15 minutes before he came the second time … thanks to my prep work.
Gotta tell ya though, other than that session, it’s crickets over here.
The greatest thing about this covid shit is that I don’t care about it any more, I’m just so happy that the chances of me being alive to see New Year’s day for 2021 is back as high as it was before.
My promise to you going forward , as a way of saying thanks, is a story a day from here until sessions start again, probably around your Thanksgiving and/or Christmas.
That’s not a covid prediction , that’s just the time of year that all retailers sink or swim , and if Wael’s walking video of my dead soi looks desolate, it’d be nothing compared to the closures that would happen if all stores are forced to stay closed for November and December.
https://youtu.be/LMLXmk5krc0
That’s my best guess, November’ish, do you agree? Email me , let me know your opinion , I’d love to hear what the collective wisdom of my fanbase thinks.
Thank you again.
I’m beyond humbled by your generosity.
Now let’s move on and see if I can get some sexy stories up and maybe even finish my book which I’ve started writing the 2nd half of this weekend.
Love you all.
xx
Book A Session
Looking to book a session? You can either email us :
Or fill out the form below. Don’t forget to check out my Loyalfans femdom blog , or Mistress Wael’s Loyalfans blog its a great way to get to know more about us through our photos , videos and daily stories.
The two birds that sleep together when I exercise at midnight every night … that is the 2 name I gave them.
In the morning I feed them bread when they wake up. At 9pm when I go exercise around my condo they watch me and sometimes sing for me.
And when I finish at midnight they sleep. Together. And touch wings like in love.
I believe in love. I believe in hope. And I believe in maybe.
Her story ‘maybe’ is so powerful.
‘The covid pandemic has lasted 4 months and will last 2 more months minimum before tourists can come back to Bangkok. That is awful, yes?
Maybe.
Well what if I start a perfume business? Find a cheap night market. Find out how to buy wholesale. Learn about price point.
And smile a lot. Be nice. Meet people. Get a new type of customer.
Bought for 75 a bottle. Sell for 250. Profit of 175. And first day I sold 6 bottles.
Then 3 because it rained. And 2 the next day because it rained. Realized I need a market with a roof. Because rainy season is here.
The next week I averaged 8 bottles a day. Got tired of sitting on the concrete. So I took the profit and bought a store front and steps to make my display look more professional …
Location , location , location. #1 rule of business right? I locked in a permanent place by On Nut with busy foot traffic. Paid 1 month in advance.
I started to sell 15 bottles a day.
Used that profit to get my toe and finger nails done and my Jennifer Anniston hair style and color back
So now I look hot like when I do sessions … only I sell perfume looking like that.
Suddenly men started buying cologne just to talk to me. So I wore latex pants to my store , a corsette , hung my whip on the side of my shop.
Cologne outsells perfume now 3:1 and up to 25 bottles a day.
That is the same money I make from my 1 hour Tease & Denial session. Only difference is my small store is open for 4 hours in the evening , not 1.
I don’t know all my perfume brands and smells too much yet. I’m learning. But you know what? Nobody asks me about the fragrance. They ask me only about the whip haha.
You will not recognize me when you see me again.
I have lost 10kg since March. If you go back to last November and count from then I have lost 12kg.
I come home from the market at 9pm.
Right away I go walk for 1 hour until 10pm and then I run and lift weights until 11pm.
I know I’m hotter because so many foreigner who live at my condo ask me out on a date now. Even when I go out shopping I get asked out.
And there are no foreigner in the city now … compared to before. I will be so popular when you guys can all come back !!… well that is my dream 🙂
When covid started in March the word I thought of the most was ‘survive.’
Now my motto is “improve.”
Get a 6 pack by my birthday August 15th. Get more muscle. Hit 53kg … my weight when I was 25 years old. If I could do that , wow, I will be proud of myself.
I feel so confidant now. My English … improved so much.
This year , I don’t know why , but now I am not afraid to try new words and I like that I can listen to a podcast and understand almost everything.
I watched this podcast with Elon Musk and his first one about 3 times each. Learned so much , not just about English , about personality and how to think about things. I will the first one to sign up for a NeuroLink chip. It’s the only way I will ever be smart.
Your mistress and I share the same Twitter. But you can probably see who I follow. And who she follow.
She likes to follow epidimiologist people.
I clicked follow on Elon Musk. That was me.
John Forslund , me also. When you come for my Tease & Denial sessions , sometimes you will hear me say “sit back and enjoy this one.” Or when I let you cum after 2 hours and you explode everywhere … I maybe will say “hey hey what do you say” …
I have wet dreams now. Every night almost. Always about BDSM.
I’m so addicted to FemDom now.
The things I will do to you when you come to see me soon … you will see … just wait.
Not sure how long I have to wait for that though. But until you can come , I will take care of my little perfume shop.
And every night when I run around my condo for exercise … if I see my two birds Love and Hope … their love tells me everything will be ok in time.
Mistress Wael
Book A Session
Looking to book a session? You can either email us :
Or fill out the form below. Don’t forget to check out my Loyalfans femdom blog , or Mistress Wael’s Loyalfans blog its a great way to get to know more about us through our photos , videos and daily stories.
That’s not a rhetorical question for you, its a self-reflective inquisition of myself.
If I look at the bright side of things – and god knows that’s been hard to do this month – I could step back and say that I’m just maturing from the mid 20’s girl I was when I started writing for this site to the “not quite” mid 30’s woman I am now , and with time has come a decade of change that makes me wince at who I was , right up to about a year ago.
Now some might say it took this cancer in my chest to bring about change but in truth its been this whole last two years that has made me , well , in one of your guy’s words “more human” …
“P.S. I’ve also noticed based on your posts how you’ve slowly gone from robot to human the past few months. #silverlining”
Well at least if this cancer gets me I’ll die as a human, that’s gotta be worth something , yes?
What if I told you that I can pretty much pinpoint the exact moment I became more human? It happened in the 2nd last session I had before I went to Europe last November.
The reason I know there was a change in me was because of the empathy I had for this submissive guy who had been coming to see me since last July for regular ballbusting sessions. Let me ask you a question first ok, before we continue because we need a baseline of comparison here. What would be your reaction if you kicked your best buddy in the balls as hard as you could?
He’d drop to the ground like a rock, no doubt.
But then what would be your reaction when you see him writhing there in agony trying to catch his breath , both hands clenching his groin and maybe a bit of drool wheezing out of his mouth at the same time.
Would you laugh at him?
Now say your friend struggles to his feet and asks you to kick him again, harder this time.
At what point do you start to have empathy with his suffering?
I never have empathy. Ever.
In fact, it becomes second nature to laugh at the person , and if you think that’s twisted , think that in those situations I’d then demand the man to crawl over to me , lick my foot , and then order him to thank me for the privilege of doing so.
With this gentleman I’m referring to, we’d even add humiliation to his suffering by making him serve as a naked coffee table for me, Mistress Wael, and Arita … and with sandwiches and scalding hot coffee on his back one of us would kick his balls hard enough to watch the whole human coffee table crash to floor. We’d walk in the spilt coffee and have him lick it from our toes , then chat thereafter ignoring him whilst he polished our living room floor.
That’s just par for the course Mistress mentality , its absolutely nothing for any of us to demand such servitude from a man.
Except, fast forward to November and this person shows up for his last session before I’m to fly to France , only this time he’s perfectly content with letting me watch The Revenent on Netflix while he buries his face between my legs to smell my dank post-workout pussy and all the wonderful fish aroma that comes with it. For you that might be exciting, but for him it’s such a downgrade from the activity he asks for in his sessions. He was so perfectly still for the entire first hour of the movie I had begun to feel I should tease his dick until the film had ended but he refused to let me touch it.
I”m not exactly chopped liver when it comes to looks okay, so when a guy refuses to let me touch his dick that’s like a 5 alarm fire bell warning something’s wrong.
We talked it out for a bit and he revealed that come October he had a gnawing pain in his groin , one that physically caused him pain when he tried to orgasm. “It’s like natural chastity” he said as he laughed at his own joke and then continued “I haven’t cum since late September out of fear for the pain.”
With his phone he began showing me all these pages he had researched on the source of the pain and how to remedy the situation , one of which suggested a manual procedure called Testicular Torsion.
Not wanting to go in for a surgical procedure , and unable to administer this treatment upon himself , he asked me right there while the movie was playing in the background to help him out with this testicular torsion … and you might cringe as I tell you this … but it involves him laying back , and me separating his left testical from his right … grabbing a handful of the skin above his left nutsack … pinching that skin with my left hand … and with my right hand I was to grab his tightended testicle and twist it 360 degrees or more.
I understand if you’re feeling cross-eyed after reading that.
Luckily , assuming that this might hurt the dude more than he’d ever experienced pain before , I had told him to bite into my sofa’s pillow. Because the scream he let out when I began twisting was blood curdling.
And that’s when it happened. A wave of empathy hit me , like a wave, only it didn’t pass through me, it enlodged itself inside my soul … which sounds pretty mellowdramatic , yes, but its true and that’s the best way I can describe it.
I let go and I just said aloud “I’m not doing this.”
Of course he replied with a string of “please Mistress” but I was steadfast in my decision. It was final. I’m just not inflicting that much pain on a guy , no matter what. Furthermore, I’m not a doctor, I could be causing irrepairable damage by twisting his nutsack like that.
Then he started crying , sobbing , and he was literally begging me to do it because he couldn’t have sex, he couldn’t masturbate, he couldn’t get hard and he said and I quote “I don’t feel like a man anymore.”
Fuck, and I caused that.
I flew off to Paris the very next day , and all through that trip that session haunted me. For instance, I would find myself walking up to the tower of Pisa and while admiring its beauty I’d say out loud to myself in a whisper “who the hell are you to screw with a guy’s health like that?”
“What have you become?”
“Where’s your heart?”
So I began some soul searching , trying to find the girl who cared about people’s feelings , their hopes and dreams, and their real wants not just their superficial ones.
Guys who sessioned with me on that late fall early winter European trip would all attest to this feeling of falling in love with their Mistress because I was much more friendly, much more intimate than I had ever been. And by intimate, I don’t mean in the bedroom, I mean hugging my guy when we were walking by the river in Paris, or letting him pick me up and spin me in the air atop the Eiffel Tower , or putting my hand lightly over his at dinner and smiling.
Of course I’d be smiling at him drinking my pee from a champagne glass at a 5 star French restaurant, a Mistress is still a Mistress after all.
But ya, all that trip I was much more loving.
I got home mid January and before I resumed sessions we had one of our little ‘business meetings’ Wael and I did where we discuss where we are with things and the ‘state of femdom’ as it applies to our business currently. Mostly those meetings are about what toys we need, what toys we’d love to have , what we’ve learned and we might air out any concerns we have.
“I want to be friendlier” I said, “I’m going to filter out those sessions where we have to hurt someone going forward.”
Wael’s response was “give them to me” and it makes sense as she’s a few years behind my curve so to speak.
There is definitely a curve we all go through as a Mistress.
It’s a four stage curve as I see it. Starts with “what the fuck am I doing and why is this guy listening to me and obeying me?” Follwed in a year by “hmm, what else can I make this guy do for me?” which leads to where Wael is at right now “I’ll do anything , I have no limits for how to control a guy.” But eventually that circles back to the maturation of the curve and says “In how many ways can I make a male submissive slave fall in love with me” which is a collection of just the simplest minute things which I know drive a man wild. I suppose ultimately, its an unseen confidence.
So we finish that meeting , and I remember that same guy’s email was at the very top of my inbox that evening. It read:
“It’s funny Mistress. If I knew for a fact I would die at 43 (just turned 42), I would be ok with it. I honestly don’t understand people who want to live to be 100. Every decade gets exponentially shittier. I can’t even begin to imagine how terrible I’d feel if I managed to make it to, like, 70. I’m pretty sure that if I die from natural causes, it’s going to be something with my junk down below. My testicular pain is getting worse and I just have weird lower bowel pains pretty much daily. Going septic from a bowel perforation is a really shitty way to die, so I’m pretty sure the first time I wake up with bad abdominal pains and a fever, I’m just going to go ahead and blow my brains out.”
Never heard from him since.
I’ve felt so shitty about that, its been eating at the back of my mind daily.
Which brings me to my cancer.
I feel, in someway, this is karma, this is ‘go around come around’ , or – if in fact he did end things as he threatened to do, then this is “an eye for an eye” in the universe’s justice.
Like , it doesn’t make sense how suddenly this year everything can conspire collectively against me all at one time.
If feels, invitable in a way. Death that is. It’s why I can’t sleep at all lately, not until I’ve endured sleeplessness unto my limit and I stumble to my bed to crash for 16 hours, motionless.
I gotta admit, maybe during sessions as a Mistress I’m strong just like you all think I am , but I’m clearly not handling this very well. I don’t think being alone is helping much either. I’ve twice woken up this month , having slept 16 or more hours having wondered where the day went , only to be replaced by panic that this thing inside me just had another day to grow. And I cry. All day. Again and again. And I know , I just know I have to snap out of it.
There’s so many nice emails in my inbox, I can’t read them, they make me cry even harder.
I actually got some work done today, I went ahead and wrote for the GoFundMe that out of desperation I’m setting up for myself. That just made me angry as I wrote for that this morning. I don’t think it’s fair that in order just to have a shot at making money for my surgery with a GoFundMe that I have to be from a 1st world country. Basically, my life is expendable, I’m Thai therefore since I come from a welfare state , a 3rd world country if there ever was one, my life doesn’t matter. Well, to me it does. Sorry but, I like living. I like life. I love talking to my cactus plant. Ya its nuts, maybe you’re right, but I love doing it. I would appreciate the chance to keep on doing so.
Luckily I had many offers to set up the GoFundMe , but so many of you are in relationships that I couldn’t let you put yourself in hot water at my expense. There’s a young boy, Rob, from England, he’s served as my foot worshiper for many – a – year , and he’s graciously gone ahead and given his ID to allow the fund to be set up.
Meanwhile, don’t get mad at me, I’m not insane … but I’ve basically spent all day every day watching TED Talk after TED Talk about what’s going on at the molecular level of my immune system. And I’ve condensed all the information into 2 things that I understand and one that I don’t as of yet, but I’m learning.
Rightly or wrongly then, I’m starving the cells of glucose by refusing to eat. Because fuck, the gofundme may or may not work, and it looks like it’ll be 2 more months before any type of tourism stars happening here, so it may be a while before I can come up with the money for the 2nd surgery.
Therefore, by my way of thinking, I have to slow the process down so it doesn’t get to stage 1 or 2, and the way to do that by my understanding is starvation. Fine, I’m already into day 3. Not a bite to eat. My intention is to go one week and if I’m feeling ok then on Friday I’ll eat some meat and then I’ll do 10 days, then 14. I intend to eat exactly 3 times this month only.
Secondly, I’m eating 2,000 mg of Vitamin C per day. I’ve had 2 bottles of Vitamin C in my bedroom for 2 years almost , I’m just now eating them every day.
As well, with the little money I have left, I’ve gone and bought 100 lime’s. Lime juice and water I read is pure ascorbic acid Vitamin C and can help … if indeed one is to believe the professionals speaking on those TedTalks.
“The Centre for Covid-a9 Situation Administration also extended the emergency decree for another month to the end of July after it is due to expire on Tuesday.” … and there it is, hot off the presses. Closed ’til August.
0 sessions for yet another 30 days.
Fuck, wonderful, whatever. I’m more resolved from that. Those kids survived 2 weeks stuck in that cave in Chiang Rai last year, no food, didn’t die. I think food is a misnomer. The glucose from food feeds the cancerous cells, while normal cells can switch to keytones when faced with starvation. So no glucose, the cancerous cells starve and the regular cells function in a state of Autophogy which boosts cancer fighting T-Cells. See? I’ve been reading.
So if I die from lack of food, you’ll know there was a method to my madness.
Also, I said last story that it would indeed be nice to have a guy to sit with and hug me to help me get through all of this.
Let’s be clear , that can’t happen. I apologize for going back to the same old quotes from the movies that have affected me so much, but these quotes clarify exactly who I am at times, and make it easier for me to understand what I’m going through. In this case, I’m talking about this quote from 1986’s The Fly:
“Seth Brundle: I’m saying… I’m saying I – I’m an insect who dreamt he was a man and loved it. But now the dream is over… and the insect is awake.”
Which to me reads:
Mistress: I’m saying… I’m saying I – I’m a Mistress who dreamt she was a girl and loved it. But now the dream is over… and the domina is awake.
The way I see the world, I can’t have a boyfriend, I can’t have a husband. It’s something I can’t describe to you, instead, you would just have to have stood in my shoes and have done as many sessions as I’ve done over the past 10 years to understand how this job affects one’s personna.
And even then, maybe you wouldn’t understand entirely. Maybe you’d just have to have been a girl, brought up from poverty as I have, and have had so many guys kick dirt in your face that only then you could understand.
Anyways, that’s irrelevant. My point is that it’d be wholly unfair to have a guy come sit with me and give me a hug when I needed.
Because that man, if he was willing to do that, would be a Knight , both valourous and kind. Such men are so rare that such an act would be so honorable that it would be a crime to have that for myself. Give instead to a girl open to love and let a relationship blossom from such kindness.
A lone wolf is indeed that, a lone wolf. Nothing more, nothing less.
Let me walk that path and see where it leads.
But I promise you this, I’ll walk it not as robotic as I have done but rather as human as I can possibly be.
If I came across to you as such in the past, I’m sorry for that, I’m just a girl growing up and trying to find her way.
If anything, this blog since day one is a testament to just how much we all change from decade to decade.
And it’s not our mistakes that ultimately define us, it’s how we grow from them and improve upon ourselves.
Except, fast forward to November and this person shows up for his last session before I’m to fly to France , only this time he’s perfectly content with letting me watch The Revenent on Netflix while he buries his face between my legs to smell my dank post-workout pussy and all the wonderful fish aroma that comes with it. For you that might be exciting, but for him it’s such a downgrade from the activity he asks for in his sessions. He was so perfectly still for the entire first hour of the movie I had begun to feel I should tease his dick until the film had ended but he refused to let me touch it.
