How are you doing?
Apologies for the long email but I would really appreciate any help or advice you can offer.
I need to give you some background to put my situation in context. I’ve been married for fifteen years and before we got married I told my wife about my fetishes and for a long while she played along and indulged me. After some time though it became too much for her and to be fair I pushed too hard and she became worried that it would keep escalating until one day I would want a sex change. For the record, I enjoy dressing or being made to dress occasionally but enjoy being a man too and have no intention and never have of transitioning. Besides I don’t make a very pretty girl 🙁
Anyway I failed to convince her and she got fed up with it and any sort of kinky play stopped completely. She was the first person I ever told and I was really hurt and angry that I’d shared an extremely personal part of myself and after being accepted to start with was ultimately rejected. At the same time I couldn’t get rid of the urges, and I kept experimenting with makeup etc. when I was alone and watching sissy/bdsm porn behind her back, which ultimately drove us further and further apart. I’ve tried talking to her and resolving the issue but I’ve realised that I don’t want to share that side of my personality with her any more (I’m also extremely hesitant and nervous to share it with anyone else which is probably why I came across as being shy). I also realised that the dom/sub part of my fantasies is an extremely important part of it for me and she doesn’t have a dominant bone in her body.
That said, parts of our life together are really great and despite everything I still love her and care about her very much. Is it worth sacrificing that to satisfy my sexual kinks and desires? The last two years it feels like we’ve become more like housemates than partners and any spark between us has gone. When I decided to take this trip on my own we both saw it as a temporary/trial split and she encouraged me to do whatever makes me happy, even suggesting meeting up with a ladyboy! Still I haven’t told her about anything that’s happened here and she has recently told me she wants to try again and now I feel like I have betrayed her. At the same time I can’t stop thinking about my time with you and desperately want to explore more.
Our session was incredible and I loved every minute of submitting to your every wim, despite (and maybe because of) the humiliation. I loved being at your feet and made to look and smell like a sissy girl for you and being forced to kiss your toes and suck your cock. When you made my cock kiss your dildo cock I thought I would die from humiliation and pleasure at the sound of your wicked giggles.
So the question is do I continue to realise my deepest fantasies and risk losing everything or do I try to lead a “normal” life and make it work with her? In which case do I tell her about everything that’s happened?
I don’t expect you to have all the answers but I’m at my wits end and don’t have anybody else to turn to. I would really appreciate your thoughts.
jaa4u.com | Goddess
3:21 AM (23 minutes ago)
I have all the answers I just don’t know if they are the right ones.
One thing that you should have considered before you told her the first time is that there is a conflict between what you like personally and what women like in men historically. If i drew a circle and the represented the % of women that are attracted by instinct to a man who is one of these : dangerous , strong , masculine , risk taker , rough , fighter : then that circle would represent 95% of the female population i’d say. I’d then have to draw a tiny circle inside of that bigger circle which would represent 5% of the women who are perfectly fine being with a submissive man no matter how feminine his fetishes are.
That’s because of the other driving force of society , which is that a great deal of us not only give a fuck what others think of us but they prioritize it.
To be fine with a request like yours, a woman would have to have two particular qualities. The first of which being, she’d have to have an open mind to all sexual fetishes which would go hand in hand with not giving a fuck what society thinks.
Now I don’t think it’s hard to see that your wife has none of those qualities unfortunately, but like I said, to find a woman like that you’d have to be pretty fortunate or you’d have to have sampled a hundred or more girls. Not likely since submissive men don’t have as easy a time getting girls as men who have the qualities I’ve listed above.
Your wife is probably in stage three of her thought process about you. She’s gone from happily married, to “who the fuck did I marry” and thus switched her magnetic polarity towards you, and is now at the point where she thinks “ok I either get a fuck toy and never have marital sex again, or I deal with this thing which really creeps me out but I did say for better or worse.”
It may sound like I’m glorifying the traits of the few but I’m not because there’s a flip side to that coin.
Guys in the 95 percentile can’t hang with a girl like me from the 5% group. If the number one reason I’m still single is because I flew out of the chute in the wrong country, the second biggest reason then is that men can’t stand my openness to sex and sexual fetishes.
For instance, if I’m at a club with a guy I’m dating and I see he’s flirting with another girl, I’ll openly tell him to go with her, fuck her as he wishes so long as he wears a condom, and I’ll see him on our next date. Guys think that’s both cool and awesome until he’s just finished emptying himself into her and as he collapses back on the bed connecting once again to his cranial brain he realizes … ‘maybe what’s good for the goose is good for the gander?”
Then he gets chills down his spine as he realizes I’m fifty times hotter than she is and whereas he finished inside of three minutes, I’m most likely still fucking the brains out of my pocket lover in a condo far, far away.
There’s good and bad with every lifestyle we choose to follow , I’m trying to figure out how to not be single , and you’re trying to figure out how to stay happily married with this perfectly fine fetish of yours.
You need to be honest with yourself and categorize your wife. Into which category does she fall? For if she isn’t in the open minded category as I am , leave your fetish out of the bedroom. It is something which you should have revealed to her before you got married , and by her reaction she’s clearly not ok with it , so don’t force it upon her.
Be the guy she wants you to be and openly tell her that you’re going to visit a mistress for a way to express your urges and definitely reassure her that such sessions are completely non-sexual. Emphasize to her … since she’s in the majority group that believes in monogamy, that she’s the only one you would ever consider having sex with because you love being intimate with her and her alone. It’s better to be the spreader of bullshit if it leads to happiness.
Thank you for the compliments, it was a very fun session indeed.
Your goddess xx