“In every class there’s always one joker who thinks he’s smarter than me.”
Sgt. Emil Foley
An Officer and a Gentleman
… and every month I get at least one email from someone who IS way smarter than me. That’s uncontested, I wouldn’t even begin to make an argument to the contrary.
Quite the opposite really. Being born Thai guarantees the gap between the education I got and what you all have is immense. Too far to overcome.
That gap pretty much guarantees I’ll never get married, and when you read the email I just got you’ll understand why that is.
Can’t have a girl like me sitting at the family dinner table in whatever sub-district of PerfectVille you reside in. I’d stick out like a sore thumb.
But what I do have, more so than any other Thai girl I’ve ever come across is the ability to connect with men, firstly with my writing and then in person.
I just got an email from … and you’d have to have seen Good Will Hunting to know who I’m talking about … the M.I.T blonde hair guy in this scene below …
or a clone of him at least.
And you see, I’m Will Hunting or at least a female version of him.
If I was American I’d be from the south side of Chicago, fucking eatin’ hot dogs with mustard running down my cheek and cheering on the White Sox.
The guy who just emailed me is a nice guy. His heart is in the right place, unlike the doofus in the scene above.
Here below is his introductory letter to me. I’ll leave it full size so you can click on it to expand and read so I don’t have to retype the whole thing.
Psychologically acute Domina’s don’t exist.
I might be more perceptive than the average chick but I’m sure as hell not psychologically acute. Isn’t acute a type of triangle?
This is my 10th year as a Mistress for this website, and in that time I’ve read well over 10,000 emails. This is the first one using the word Phallus instead of dick or cock. I did a search of my email just to be sure. And yup. Phallus, lol.
“Honey, touch my phallus, I won it at the math convention.”
His word “skulking” reminds me of a great moment I had in Sydney with my girlfriends at an Improv club.
I hadn’t ever seen Improvisational Comedy until that night and so I asked them what was going to happen, to give me an example so that I could have a point of reference.
My Japanese classmate told me that the comedians shout out to the audience for a topic or a situation and they pick the loudest answer, and from that answer they spontaneously act out something funny from our suggestions.
“Ah” I said.
So right at the top of the show the portly comic with a Christmas green sweater vest steps forward and asks for a topic from the audience and boy oh boy was I ready for him.
I jumped onto my seat so he could see me, which was stupid because to him we’re all silhouettes, but maybe it got my voice heard because I was the first one to yell out at the top of my lungs:
SPLEUNKING (hey, which sort of sounds like skulking, no?)
And I think I screamed the word so loudly and that the word itself was from so far out in left field that it not only silenced the audience it stunned the comic.
“ok … ummm…. SPLEUNKING it is.”
It ended up being THE worst skit of the night as they had absolutely no idea where to go with SPEUNKING and at the bar thereafter all my friends bought me drinks for being the Thai chick who’s suggestion those comics will remember the most from that night.
… and possibly still have nightmares about improvising on my word SPLEUNKING. I’m so fucking proud that word popped into my brain so quickly that night, it’s one of my greatest achievements ever.
Anyways, here was my reply to that email:
See, I’m the girl you’d raise a mug of beer to at the bar and say “to Spelunking” and I’d match your mug with my own, keeping eye contact with one another as we competed to see who could down it the quickest.
I’m not the girl you say phallus to. At least not unless you want me to laugh in your face and spit my beer out while doing so.
This is the kind of guy who daintily caresses my fingers and would say “I want to lay with you and make passionate love like a dance of doves etching their non-melancholy song across the cumulus cloudy night sky.”
Whereas I just want my panties ripped down to my ankles, my face mushed into the pillows, my ankles kicked apart and fucked hard ‘n long over the sofa while you pull my hair.
^ I typed that line knowing it would instantly make your phallus stand and salute. At ease gentlemen. The only way I fuck is if the slave is tied to a chair and I’m choking him with both hands as I use his neck for leverage to help me cum quicker.
Anyways, point is … stop trying to impress me with your writing, you don’t have to “one-up” me. I’m just tryin’ to get yer’ number, how ya like ‘dem apples?
Look, I learned to write from what was basically a creative writing class for ESL students in Australia – taught by Vladimir, a Russian giant who looked like a cross between a bearded Viking and Robin Williams.
A guy who’s first line on the first day of class was , verbatim: “I am here to give you rope. You can use to climb or you can hang yourself. I give no fuck.”
I have no visions of usurping Stephen King.
I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to …. ok ok I’m not going to steal Julia Roberts’ line from Notting Hill.
I’m a Thai chick, trying to have a written drink with you at a bar called jaa4u.com , in hopes that you’ll feel smitten enough to come visit me so that thereafter: I can make you forever remember who is the true owner of your dick.
Err, sorry, Phallus 😛
(hey guys, Mistress Wael is going to begin her multi-part series on Human Toilet Slavery later tonight. I’m off now until January 3rd, I’ll resume writing once she’s done posting her final part of that series, I think it’s 10 stories long. Happy Holidays to you, see ya on the flip side.)
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If you decide to fill out the form, double check that you’ve typed in your email address properly cuz guess what? If you fuck that up, I can’t get back to you, end of story. It’s shocking how many guys can’t spell their own email address.
Mistress Wael is available from 1pm until 10pm every day, while I am available at either 7pm or 10pm Monday – Thursday and 4pm on Friday’s.
1 hour sessions are 5k baht while 2 hours are 7k.
Human Toilet Training with Mistress Wael is 15k and with me it’s 20k.
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Check out our Fees & Bookings page for all the information you need to know for booking your session with us.
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