Every year I make it a point to try and reinvent myself , to look at my business from a new perspective and to push myself to do things I’m not comfortable with. Some ideas are successful , some not so much – but the point is to throw enough shit at the wall so that eventually something sticks.
What’s kept me busy the last month is changing my focus from daily bdsm sessions to bdsm vacations or getaways. Sounds kind of wonderful ya? Well yes and no. It’s certainly helped snap me out of the blandness of my daily routine here in Bangkok. I’ve found that spending time with submissive men as a full time Mistress for durations of a week or more can be at the same time hellish and beautiful.
But as I sit here trying to explain why , well it’s kind of like asking someone to distill War and Peace down into 5 words or less.
There’s a million thoughts in my head right now , and I can’t quite relay to you how this recent evolution of being a Mistress has affected me – not quite yet at least. I’m about to do one more very interesting trip and over the next few days and I suppose after that I’ll be better equipped to explain to you what it’s like to be somebody’s bdsm Mistress for an entire weekend, or a week as opposed to two hours.
Briefly though, in a short two hours it’s like dressing up for Halloween. You have fun with it for a couple of hours and when all is said and done you take off the costume , hang it up in the closet to forget about it and roll around in the candy. I’m so used to being a Mistress for two hours that I feel very much like a Psychologist , an extremely gifted one who can shockingly diagnose each patients labyrinth to their brain and send them away cured a short time later.
It’s not quite the same being a mistress for days on end when traveling with somebody.
For example, on my latest trip my cute submissive pet asked me quite frankly over dinner “why do you work so hard at trying to be a perfect Mistress for me?”
Then he remarked, “sometimes I think trying to do so makes you stress out , needlessly so.”
I thought about his question that night while I was in bed and didn’t properly answer him until the next morning while he was eating his eggs and bacon off the floor while being a nice rest stand for my feet.
“People think hard work gives you results” I began. Then as he looked over his shoulder at me in a confused way I told him I was just now answering his question about hard work from the previous night’s dinner.
“It does” he replied.
“No. Hard work promises one thing , and one thing only.”
“Which is…?” he blinked and asked softly.
“It simply promises you an answer to the question : how good can I be?”
Maybe I’ll put so much effort into being a Mistress and to no avail , I’ll suck in the eyes of the slave I’m with. And I have sucked , but I’ve also been great.
However I’ll never know just how great I can be if I don’t put every ounce of effort I have into being the best I can be. And as you guys know from your own lives , even when you give 100% effort into something , it doesn’t always pan out , and that can be terribly frustrating.
It’s funny , I got asked at the gym the other day by a complete stranger just why I work out so hard during my workouts with my trainer. While everybody else is trotting on the treadmill , I’m doing squats and deadlifts to the point of such exhaustion that I’ve puked into a bucket more than a few times. Yet I’m not training for anything specific.
I didn’t bother to answer him as … well as some of you know … I never answer a direct question. But I can tell you now that the answer as to why I workout so hard is the same … I want to see how good I can be. I want an honest answer of how I react when pushed to my limit.
This is what my week long sessions have been like. Something you guys enjoy immensely , but at the same time it’s something that drives me insane with the effort it takes to do them. They leave me exhausted once I’m back in my condo alone.
Then , I see the results in my two hour sessions when I’m told almost every time that I’m like no other mistress they’ve ever met and truly had a wonderful time.
That’s the payoff.
And I find myself contemplating whether the stress of being so appreciated is worth it.
I suppose it is. That’s just who I am though.
I know exactly who I am because I’ve pushed myself to the wall to find out.