Femdom sessions aren’t the only thing I host here at my condo. My Muay Thai trainer comes about three times a week and my English adviser comes about twice in that same time frame, so on the days youre little vampire mistress emails you at 1pm in the afternoon and you ask me “what are you doing up when the sun’s up?” , well now you know why. Out of the two, my English tutor is more blunt telling me outright “it’s shit” when I go over a blog story I’m about to post with him whereas my Muay Thai coach simply smiles and says “it’s ok, you’ll learn.”
I prefer it when people are frank with me, it means more often than not that they are genuinely concerned about what they are trying to teach me, and I assumed that since he had been so frank with me over the past year he’d appreciate my tendency to speak frankly as well. Sadly, that wasn’t the case and he’s more than a little bit perturbed that I lost him two students in the course of a week. Let me explain.
I tend to get desperately frustrated with my English as I say what I’m thinking while trying to be as straight to the point as possible which he calls caveman level English proficiency, and he’ll go on endlessly telling me that I need a bigger brush to paint a grander picture in my reader’s minds. Personally, if I tell you I had a guy’s cock in my hand and pressed against my thigh while I looked into his eyes and asked him innocently why he was whimpering … you’ll get exactly the recreation of what happened in a session a few hours earlier right?
I’ll send him my draft and it’ll come back with “utter shit, try again” marked on it. After three or four back and forth exchanges like that I’ve about fucking had it with him, and that same sentence reads something like : “his veiny thick purple throbbing cock pulsed in my hand as he felt me press against the unbearably hot surface of my moist damp loins. I thus gazed into his glazed eyes, lost like a ship at sea, and whispered ever so gently into his ear a tender secret that made him whimper in erotic resignation.”
Then I get emails saying my writing is too wordy , fuck.
If you noticed, I went basically all of January refusing to write a story as my relationship with him hit a boiling point, to the extent that I found it very frustrating and not fun at all to write any more. Had my Muay Thai been going any better I’d have given him my 1,3,2 combination and be done with him.
To patch things up, he tried telling me ‘your English isn’t as shit as I make it out to be” many times but I’d sort of lost confidence in myself. Those ‘five best sessions of 2015’ stories were nearly the end of me, the hardest and least fun stories I’ve ever written. When I cancelled our fourth session in a row earlier in January he came to my condo unannounced and asked to sit down and talk things out with me and I reluctantly agreed. Instead of talking in my condo we went down and talked by the pool on one of those super breezy frigid mornings last month.
He told me he had two students that he had a hard time getting through to because of various reasons and that perhaps me coming along with him that day to help him do conversational English would help him make his lesson better at least for that day, and at the same time would give me a measuring stick with which to compare my English against somebody else’s. At the time , this was 2nd week of January and I had turned down nearly all my session requests as they weren’t inspiring in the least, and it was just before the flu bug hit me so I was rather bored sitting at home all day. I agreed to go with him, one being a session that morning from 11-1 at Rachadamri and a second session from 2-4 in the afternoon up in Muang Thong Thani.
So off we go on the bts to one of the luxury condo’s just off of Ratchadamri station , the rich bitch part of town , to meet his student , a late 20’s Thai girl who had done so much plastic surgery to her face that it looked wax like. It was the first thing I noticed and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her cheeks, I wanted to reach across and scratch at her skin to see if chunks of plastic would break off onto the poolside floor.
Her name was Bo, and she had a sidekick with her , fuck , can’t remember her name , but this chick was her secretary.
“What are you a secretary of exactly?” I asked the girl at one point when Bo had left to answer her 32nd consecutive phone call.
“I’m her secretary” she replies.
“And what does that job entail?” I answered right back.
“I plan her alarm clock, order her breakfast, drive her to where she wants to go, stuff like that.”
Fuck. She plans this girls alarm clock. I didn’t know such a device needed planning. I feel bad that I’ve simply thrown out the instruction manuals of all the alarm clocks I’ve bought in my life, obviously I’ve been missing some key details.
So Bo , she’s clearly pissed off that I’m there for her lesson. But that’s fine, I was really enjoying soaking the rays of ‘stupid matter’ this girl was transmitting. There’s matter, then there’s dark matter, and unbeknownst to scientists, there’s stupid matter, a black hole of space then spews out protons of stupidity. This chicks stupid matter was the size of a black hole that had consumed another larger black hole.
For every time in our little skit my tutor would ask a question in her direction, she’d lean over and consult with her secretary the way a defendant would consult with his lawyer before answering. Each time she did it my heel started tapping on the floor , you know, like how you ground an electrical circuit so the excess charge dissipates into the ground? … my heel was for that same purpose, the dissipation of frustration.
“Are you ok” he asked me after calling for a 5 minute break.
“She’s a walking retard” I said, “you can’t teach that, her brain is binary, one bit of information, on / off. That’s all she can comprehend.”
“You see yet why I said your English isn’t as shit as I told you it is?”
I paused, then nodding in agreement I said “point taken.”
Bo comes back with her secretary and asks Ian to cancel the rest of the class. I couldn’t resist , I blurted out , “don’t you need your secretary to do that for you, it’s such an unnecessary effort to make the cancellation request yourself?”
She scowls at me and says in Thai , khun mai ruu luang, which translates directly to ‘ you don’t know the story’ which means “you don’t know anything.”
“I know that if you didn’t have a pussy, waxed as it probably is from surgery, you’d be sucking dick for food.”
“Ok we’ll be going now” Ian said pulling at my hand to leave the swimming pool level. Apparently he’s never heard from her again.
I was feeling a lot better about my English though, I told him as much and promised to bite my tongue better at the second class. Fuck me, if Bo was Tweedle Dee , Khun Taa was Tweedle Dumb. Before we could get to see Taa though, there was the 40 minute taxi ride up to Impact arena where he gave me some more insight to Bo’s personal life and how she is a distressed woman. Bo travels to France to see her special psychologist for her depression, a sadness brought about by the fact that her boyfriend gives her 500,000 spending money a day and she has run out of ways to spend it fast enough.
Too bad Ian’s name wasn’t Bob, or this scene would fit perfectly with how to cure Bo’s depression …
oo
Now Taa , different dog, same fleas.
He never got a chance to properly do any of the roleplay dialogue he had carefully planned for her (he wrote out his lesson in the taxi on the way up) because if the chick wasn’t on the phone she was staring at the blinking lights of the SET stock market on her IPad.
Taa hated me being there more than Bo did. As I told you in my story yesterday, whether I’m at a high society dance club like I was at Ku-de-ta , or at one of these brain dead bitches’ houses, they are repelled by non name brand wearing girls like me as much as broccoli repels fat kids. They can smell the village life on my skin or something, and the disdain they hold for me … well there’s no effort at all to hide it from their faces. Especially so for Taa. Fuck this girl puts the um in dumb.
The skit, I remember it perfectly. I was to be the waitress in a restaurant, and Taa’s job was to call me over using her two new words of the day, “bring and take” , and no matter how many times Ian corrected her , she’d still say “Waitress, take me some water”.
I tried to correct her in Thai once …. once.
She could throw actual daggers from her eyes, … made in China daggers.
So anyways, bringing me now to why I wanted to sit and write all this dribble today. She has her ipad open the whole time on her desk and for the entire hour she maybe took her eyes off of it for 2 minutes tops. Her stocks were having a bad day. She caught me looking over at it one time and she took the opportunity to hold it up to show me.
“red bad, green good” she said in remarkably perfect English. “Today bad” she added.
I looked at the stock symbol and the company name, an unheard of clothing manufacturing business, domestic of course since it’s an SET traded stock. I was about to ask her what the market capitalization of the company was in Baht when she click closed her ipad and said in Thai so Ian wouldn’t comprehend, “too much for you to understand.”
So you know, big mouth me. I can’t remember word for word how it came out but I told her , in English , “well gold has sold off 50% from it’s all time high 5 years ago and I’ve been buying gold because buying at 50% off is a good idea and buying at 62% off is even better, but I don’t think gold will retrace that much, so better to buy now.”
I paused, and then added in Thai … “sorry but that’s too much for you to understand isn’t it?” and giggled.
Session cancelled, just like that, go figure.
It’s true. Unlike 99.999% of Thai’s who believe gold can only trend in one direction, up , I sold what gold I had 5 years ago quite near the top to help pay for my trip to study oversees and I’ve been waiting for a chance to buy it back, especially now that I’ve finished paying off all my past debts. So back in December I went and had 2 gold necklaces’s to display my opals and a diamond ring made for me, all 3 of my design. (white gold, i dislike yellow gold)
Total cost was 1/4 million baht and as of market close today, a scant two months later, their value sits at 281,000 baht, or a 21% increase had I bought shares on the GLD. Guess I’ll have to wait to be American to be able to trade like that.
Meanwhile Taa’s looking at her ipad every day, with her little red lights flickering back at her day in and day out walking around her rapidly depreciating house and investments saying “today bad, today bad, take me water, take me water.”
Sorry chick, should have read the tea leaves. Fuck that story is in English though, shame she can’t read.
So needless to say, Ian hasn’t taken me with him on any more teaching excursions since that day. He’s gonna be pissed when he reads this too cuz I’m not sending it to him to proofread. But that day did give me the push I needed to write again. Even if this story is what it is …
Utter shit. Said so myself.
khal xx